Sliding

I had the weirdest dream last light.

I hiked off in the woods to be by myself and write. I came to a tall vista and sat down on a flat spot on the ridge of a cliff and looked out across the water--it was a beautiful scene, an overlook. I was writing on a pad and paper.

As I was sitting there, I felt the ground under me give way a little, and I started to slide down the cliff. The next thing I knew, I saw that I was on a slide, and that I was sliding down the cliff, not to the rocks below, but into a dark tunnel. I put my hands out desperately and stopped myself from going into the tunnel. There was water running into it and I was afraid that I would drown.

Stopping myself on the slide, I could look around and see that I was actually on a swiftly-flowing waterslide and I could see that the track extended around and around in a huge labyrinth. But I was hesitant to let myself go into the tunnel. I didn't know what would happen--maybe the tube is clogged somewhere and I would drown with the rush of water against me. Maybe the floor would give way and I would fall through. Maybe...I was terrified of letting myself get swept inside with so much uncertainty.

It occurs to me that I might just be frustrated with my writing. While driving around for work yesterday, I thought to myself that I hadn't written anything worth reading in several months.

Things aren't going to get better unless I can allow myself to become vulnerable when I am writing. Yet, I have a hard time visualizing letting myself get swept away.