First of all, you can't miss him--he's about 7 feet tall and has an Adam's apple the size of a grapefruit--you know, one of those knobby-looking, tall, skinny giants with think, storky-looking arms.
More importantly, though, is his obnixous behavior which I have to endure, usually before completing my first cup of coffee in the morning. He acts like a spasmotic ape, screaming loudly at cars and drivers to "Hurry up!" while flapping his arms around signalling for them to move faster. (I don't know about you, but the elementary school driveway is one place where I prefer to drive slowly and deliberately).
One time, I had to jump out and help Ryan out of his car seat, which I did in about 10 seconds. There were about three cars behind me, and they were letting their kids out, so I wasn't holding anyone up. This guy thought it would be a great idea to scream at me and signal with his hands for me to hurry up while I was out of my car. I turned and looked at him incredulously and said "What do you want me to do? Engage my autopilot?" Then I rolled my eyes and shook my head, got in the car, and drove at the speed which I wished to go...
I'm all for order and efficiency in the carpool lane, but it's not that big a deal--in fact, there have been several days where he's not there, and everything still flows smoothly. My theory is that this guy, whom I have named "Windmill Man" on account of his active, alarming, eight-foot wingspan, has this one kingdom to rule in his life, and he intends to rule it with an iron hand.
I've also abandoned my general rule to teach kids to respect adults when it comes to this guy, and I will dramatically trumpet "Windmill Man!" as though I am introducing a superhero, whenever we suffer his directions in the carpool lane.
The last straw was the song which I made up spontaneously one day and sang for Fran. She laughed so hard that she called and told one of her friends, and now the nickname is spreading through the school underground web.
In case you would like to sing along...
WINDMILL MAN
(to the tune of "Nowhere Man", by the Beatles)
He's a real Windmill Man
Flapping 'round in Windmill Land
Waving both his Windmill hands
At everybody.
Doesn't seem to have a clue
Knows not whom he's waving to
Could you change a bulb or two
while you're here?
Windmill man, what's the hurry?
Could you please cease the flurry!
Windmil man, the school parking lot
Is at your command!
la la la la
Kinda looks like a big ol' stork
Sorta acts like a geeky dork
Don't you need to go to work
or something?
Windmill man, please listen
You don't know what you're missin'
Windmill man, the whole darn school
Is sick of your plan...
You don't know what you're missin'
Windmill man, the whole darn school
Is sick of your plan...
la la la la
He's a real windmill man
Spazzing out in grade school land
Waving 'round his windmill hands
at nobody.
He's a real windmill man
Spazzing out in grade school land
Waving 'round his windmill hands
at nobody.
Flapping round his windmill hands
at nobody...
Waving like a broken fan
at all of us...
2 comments:
Hehe! Aw, he sounds like an idiot. I wonder what happens when two windmill people meet? Do they knock each other out or create an energy vortex?
:)
It's actually more funny than anything else...a little annoying.
Fortunately, we'll never know what happens when 2 collide...
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