Just bought an Ipod--I'm a little sensitive to criticism when I spend a lot of $$ on stuff, especially electronics. It ALWAYS feels like an impulse buy to me, even if I've been "shopping" for about 6 months or so for it, like in this case.
A guilty pleasure of mine is REGGAE music--Fran, too.
Here's the #1 song I'm loading in...
No woman, no cry
'Cause I remember when we used to sitIn the government yard in Trenchtown
Oba, ob-serving the hypocritesAs they would mingle with the good people we meet
Good friends we have had, oh good friends we've lost along the way
In this bright future you can't forget your past
So dry your tears I say
No woman, no cry
No woman, no cry
Little darlin' don't shed no tears
No woman, no cry
Said, said, said I remember when we used to sit
In the government yard in Trenchtown
And then Georgie would make the fire light
Log wood burnin' through the night
Then we would cook corn meal porridge
Of which I'll share with you
My feet is my only carriage
So I've got to push on through
But while I'm gone...
Ev'rything's gonna be alrightEv'rything's gonna be alright
Ev'rything's gonna be alrightEv'rything's gonna be alright
Ev'rything's gonna be alrightEv'rything's gonna be alright
Ev'rything's gonna be alrightEv'rything's gonna be alright
So, no woman, no cryNo, no woman, no woman, no cry
Oh, little darling, don't shed no tears
No woman, no cry
No woman, no woman, no woman, no cry
No woman, no cry
Oh, my little darlin' please don't shed no tears
No woman, no cry, yeah
So here's something that I've wanted people to know--I'm really jealous of people that can really get into music. I mean as an important part of their life. I feel very foolish when I have discussions about music--it's just so subjective, and I get a little defensive about my taste; perhaps it just isn't too refined, and sometimes I simply like things just 'cause it sounds good and not necessarily because the complex mixing of chords has any creativity/uniqueness. Does this sound like a scientist trying to describe music in quantitative terms? Maybe it is just my very introspective, self-critical nature that won't let me enjoy it. At any rate, I AM jealous.
This Bob Marley song just speaks to me for some reason--I guess it's about comfort, reassurance, retrospection, poverty, acceptance. It hits me at a personal level. But what the hell do I know?
18 February 2005
17 February 2005
T-Rex
I'll get back to the serial killer another day...I thought that turned out pretty good so far--as you can tell, he didn't get me (but he is a serial killer and he tried to get me...) That type of 3rd person writing is very exhausting to me, because it requires active empathy with the character as you write....it's quite different from journaling...
So this morning at 5:00 AM, as I was feeling my way around my house as my contacts became unstuck from the backs of my eyes (overheard on a hunting trip: "Dude, you're hard core! You sleep in your contacts?"--I've never seen the movie "Dude, where's my car?", but I've known dumb-asses that talk that way and always thought it would make interesting observation from afar for the rest of us with IQ's in triple digits). So during my Helen Keller moment, I came face to face with a T-Rex (back in my day, when you met one, you called it a Tyranosaurus Rex--when did they shorten it to T-Rex? As a Biologist, a lot of times we abbreviate the genus and just list the species c. lupus, u. horibilis (that one's for Nicole=grizzly bear), lemna minor) Anyway, I digress...
The T-rex is a big orange plastic one from Hot Wheels that we bought for Ryan for Christmas 2003. For any parent of boys, Hot Wheels are a scam--their stuff is crap, doesn't EVER work properly, breaks easily, and eternally lingers around your house in a half-ass, mediocre state. And it's cheap and looks cool so your kids want it, people love to give it to you because it fits just perfectly in the price range (marketing genius--a lot of bang for your buck), and it will curse your life. Other than those minor factors, it's okay.
So this T-Rex is staring at me at 5:00 with red glaring eyes--then, of course, I accidentally bump it as I pass by and it gives off a huge roar...right outside Ryan's room.
Ryan usually wakes up early, but I think someone would find me with cement shoes in the middle of the Trinity River if I woke the house up at 5:00, so I just held my breath and waited...and while I waited it occurred to me: Jesus died so I could buy this cheap hunk of plastic--what in the world does this represent?
Another side note: Kaitlyn, my 1 year old daughter, can mimic sounds and voices a lot like I can (ask to hear my Godfather someday...). The first time she heard T-Rex roar, she belted out an identical sound--we all just looked at each other and freaked out...then made it roar about 20 times trying to get her to do it again, but she was all smug about it, like "You already know I can do it, why would I want to do it again?"
So I avoided catastrophe and the household remained in their pre-dawn comas.
Getting a little on the heavy side now, I was reading about child welfare and a shift in social attitudes toward children. In the past, it seems, the legal assumption of children was as though they were property of the parents, hence the "get up and work your ass off and be careful what I don't kick your ass" mentality that I always think of. Parents could pretty much do whatever they wanted, pretty much short of killing their kids, and even then there was room for interpretation...
The new legal mentality is that parents are actually caretakers of children on behalf of the State (this is true across the country). This gives the state the right to police children's condition and care, and even gives them an assumed responsibility to oversee child welfare. To me, that's quite interesting and I don't know which way I agree with. In order to view this, you have to compare two extreme conditions: One in which the parents are abusive or neglectful, and one in which there is a misunderstanding of a specific incident.
In the view where the parents are abusive/neglectful, the State assuming caretaking responsibility of children enables it to act forcefully with immediacy on behalf of the children. In the olden times, it seems that it was much more of a process to go through and welfare workers felt that their hands were tied.
In case of a misunderstanding, it appears that the new method places burden on the parents to prove a negative, which is a dangerous situation. I just think about taking Ryan to the doctor for his check-up with bruises on his legs because he was playing full-contact soccer with a buddy...The doctor kind of shot us a sideways glance when she was examining him, and I felt a little bit of worry...
Okay, I know that isn't a fun topic, but it's something to think about.
14 February 2005
Encounter with a Serial Killer
Sipping a warm Starbucks caffe mocha through a straw, Mike pulled up to the check-in station at his storage building. It was February, but the weather was muggy in Dallas, Texas, and he felt as though winter had cheated him again and it was now becoming prematurely spring. Today was oddly damp without any memory of overt rain--just foggy gray and overcast with a sudden materialization of moisture on every exposed surface. The foggy night had enveloped this damp conditionand the light now bounced wildly from ubiquitous points , most interestingly the grease slicks on the road when it caught the leaning streetlights on Forest Lane at just the proper angle.
Mike rolled down his window to enter the security passcode into the keypad. There was something frustrating about the way this whole complex was operated, as though a passive-aggresive personality had put it together just to take revenge out on the customers. Multi-color paint-streaked concrete pylons almost ensured that he had to get out of his black SUV just because he didn't want to risk scraping his door against them to get close enough to the recessed keypad. Then the chain would creak wearily and slowly reel the gate along the thin track. The loud squeaking made him think of a hamster wheel, and Mike laughed to think of a giant hamster spinning a wheel to move the rickety gate, and he wondered if he was the only one in the world to ever think of that. Even if someone is goes into the property in front of you, you still have to stop and enter your code, or you can't exit the property--you have to get out of your car and exit through a small gate, seemingly built for just this purpose, enter the code, and then come back in to re-enter the code to exit. This asinine procedure must have frustrated more than one visitor, as a note was scrawled hastily on a piece of paper--carved onto a piece of white paper with a thick, black magic marker, sealed in plastic, and hung by the latch: "Do NOT Slam Gate!"
"Hang on a second...I'm entering my damn code. I don't know why I need 12 fucking digits for this place." The giant hamster started to run. Mike glanced up at the manager's door and noticed a sign that read "Will return at:" With a clock set to 9:00. It was the third time he had been to the property today, and the sign had been up each time--again, irritating because he had business with the managers. Anna never seemed to be out of the office-she must be taking a day off or something.
The managers lived on the property, and were husband and wife. Mike had dealt mostly with Anna, the wife. She was a stickler for every rule to an irritating extent. Mike had first become annoyed at her when he signed up several months before. When he brought the paperwork in, he brought his very well mannered 5 year old boy in his Tae Kwon Do uniform. It struck him as strange that, though they were the only two people in the office, the manager looked the child over but didn't address him or refer to him. That is very odd behavior, he thought, usually people would say something to a child... But she hadn't--instead, she just coldly held her hand out for the check for the down payment, and then told him that she didn't like foam peanuts floating around the parking lot, so be careful about it. And she meant it, too. One time, while he was unloading equipment into his air conditioned storage building, he was startled to look up to see Anna with her broom and dustpan, vigorously yet silently sweeping up freshly spilled styrofoam packaging material from the front of his storage unit. "What does she have, radar or something?" thought Mike, a little embarrassed but then resentful at the boldness and confrontational attitude--as though she was trying to punish him by shaming him to his face.
And then there was the time that he was locked out because his check had not arrived on time. He was traveling for 10 days and had paid on-line, only to find out that the check was delayed in the mail. Even though it was a check issued by his bank, dated several days before, and even though it was postmarked certainly in time to be received before the due date, she had cancelled his code, put a manager's lock on his unit, and had forced him to come in and pay the $10 late fee before allowing him back into his unit. Simultaneously enraged and embarassed, Mike thought to himself that he was perhaps a little defensive that she thought he didn't have the 50 bucks for rent. Having been poor in the past, he was always defensive about the perception that he might not have enough money at any time. Maybe that's why he always assumed the responsibility to pick up the check at dinner--it takes trust in others to let them pay your way. That, and enough self-confidence to not reflect too deeply on what the other person thinks. "My company is worth it" Mike could tell himself and try to convince himself that it was true. But there was always a lingering doubt.
A little time had given him perspective on having been locked out: "What a bunch of assholes!" he thought to himself when he remembered the situation earlier today. This month, he had forgotten the date and, yesterday, had paid on the very last day that payment was due--by the time he went to drop off his check the business office had closed, and a sign on the window of the office read "Don't Forget to Add your $10 Late Fee". He didn't add it, but wondered if they considered his payment late since it was paid after business hours. He clenched his teeth the next day when driving up to the office to make sure he wasn't locked out. He came by twice, but both times the office was closed--again, that was odd, but he had other things to do and quickly forgot about it.
Tonight he made his way across the gate with a sigh of relief that the gate had opened. They must put that sign out to sucker some people into paying the late fee, he mused. I guess if someone drops it off in the morning, they do owe the fee. In his poor college days, Mike had played that game with his apartment rent, waiting until the last possible day of grace to get the check to the business office--but those days were long ago...
As he drove across the puddles in the parking lot toward the last building on the lot, it struck him that he was all alone and that tonight felt particularly dark and deserted. He had needed to do this errand, but had chosen a time where it would get him out of the bustling mayhem that was going on without him at home. It was a stressful time of day, and he just needed a break. And then there was the trouble at work...
"Listen, man, I'm about to call Lloyd and chew his ass out. I'm not putting up with that shit from him anymore. I feel like I've been taking one for the team here, and not stirring up trouble, but that's about to end!"
A voice on the other end expressed concern.
"Don't worry, I'm about to settle this. Talk to you later. Okay, bye"
As he pulled around the corner, Mike pulled up to the entrance to the building. Stopping his SUV and getting out, his contact lenses immediately fogged up from the moisture in the air combined with eyes tired from focusing all day. He stuffed his cell phone into his jacket pocket and went to the back of the vehicle and quickly popped the rear door open. He needed to unload all of the equipment he was carrying so he could head home and finish his chores for the night.
Suddenly, something gave him a chill up his spine. He looked up quickly and saw a shadow at the end of the row of buildings casually disappear into the corner about 200 yards away. Between his fogged contacts and the dim yellow light oozing over the end of the driveway, which was visible but not necessarily illuminating, Mike couldn't make anything out. As he turned to go into the building to get a cart, he had a sudden flash of memory that made him realize that he was very possibly in a great deal of danger....
Okay, I need feedback or I'm not finishing this story! By the way, this is a true representation of an event that happened last Friday night.
I realized that my writing up to this point has been pretty low risk--either in Journal form or 1st person. Those are both hard to criticize. A good thing about having a close brother is that you can corner him and make him tell you what he really thinks--and Don told me "You have excellent grammar", which, to me, is the equivalent of saying "better than receiving an enema, but not much better...". So I'm trying out 3rd person and a more dramatic writing style.
Thanks, everyone!
Mike rolled down his window to enter the security passcode into the keypad. There was something frustrating about the way this whole complex was operated, as though a passive-aggresive personality had put it together just to take revenge out on the customers. Multi-color paint-streaked concrete pylons almost ensured that he had to get out of his black SUV just because he didn't want to risk scraping his door against them to get close enough to the recessed keypad. Then the chain would creak wearily and slowly reel the gate along the thin track. The loud squeaking made him think of a hamster wheel, and Mike laughed to think of a giant hamster spinning a wheel to move the rickety gate, and he wondered if he was the only one in the world to ever think of that. Even if someone is goes into the property in front of you, you still have to stop and enter your code, or you can't exit the property--you have to get out of your car and exit through a small gate, seemingly built for just this purpose, enter the code, and then come back in to re-enter the code to exit. This asinine procedure must have frustrated more than one visitor, as a note was scrawled hastily on a piece of paper--carved onto a piece of white paper with a thick, black magic marker, sealed in plastic, and hung by the latch: "Do NOT Slam Gate!"
"Hang on a second...I'm entering my damn code. I don't know why I need 12 fucking digits for this place." The giant hamster started to run. Mike glanced up at the manager's door and noticed a sign that read "Will return at:" With a clock set to 9:00. It was the third time he had been to the property today, and the sign had been up each time--again, irritating because he had business with the managers. Anna never seemed to be out of the office-she must be taking a day off or something.
The managers lived on the property, and were husband and wife. Mike had dealt mostly with Anna, the wife. She was a stickler for every rule to an irritating extent. Mike had first become annoyed at her when he signed up several months before. When he brought the paperwork in, he brought his very well mannered 5 year old boy in his Tae Kwon Do uniform. It struck him as strange that, though they were the only two people in the office, the manager looked the child over but didn't address him or refer to him. That is very odd behavior, he thought, usually people would say something to a child... But she hadn't--instead, she just coldly held her hand out for the check for the down payment, and then told him that she didn't like foam peanuts floating around the parking lot, so be careful about it. And she meant it, too. One time, while he was unloading equipment into his air conditioned storage building, he was startled to look up to see Anna with her broom and dustpan, vigorously yet silently sweeping up freshly spilled styrofoam packaging material from the front of his storage unit. "What does she have, radar or something?" thought Mike, a little embarrassed but then resentful at the boldness and confrontational attitude--as though she was trying to punish him by shaming him to his face.
And then there was the time that he was locked out because his check had not arrived on time. He was traveling for 10 days and had paid on-line, only to find out that the check was delayed in the mail. Even though it was a check issued by his bank, dated several days before, and even though it was postmarked certainly in time to be received before the due date, she had cancelled his code, put a manager's lock on his unit, and had forced him to come in and pay the $10 late fee before allowing him back into his unit. Simultaneously enraged and embarassed, Mike thought to himself that he was perhaps a little defensive that she thought he didn't have the 50 bucks for rent. Having been poor in the past, he was always defensive about the perception that he might not have enough money at any time. Maybe that's why he always assumed the responsibility to pick up the check at dinner--it takes trust in others to let them pay your way. That, and enough self-confidence to not reflect too deeply on what the other person thinks. "My company is worth it" Mike could tell himself and try to convince himself that it was true. But there was always a lingering doubt.
A little time had given him perspective on having been locked out: "What a bunch of assholes!" he thought to himself when he remembered the situation earlier today. This month, he had forgotten the date and, yesterday, had paid on the very last day that payment was due--by the time he went to drop off his check the business office had closed, and a sign on the window of the office read "Don't Forget to Add your $10 Late Fee". He didn't add it, but wondered if they considered his payment late since it was paid after business hours. He clenched his teeth the next day when driving up to the office to make sure he wasn't locked out. He came by twice, but both times the office was closed--again, that was odd, but he had other things to do and quickly forgot about it.
Tonight he made his way across the gate with a sigh of relief that the gate had opened. They must put that sign out to sucker some people into paying the late fee, he mused. I guess if someone drops it off in the morning, they do owe the fee. In his poor college days, Mike had played that game with his apartment rent, waiting until the last possible day of grace to get the check to the business office--but those days were long ago...
As he drove across the puddles in the parking lot toward the last building on the lot, it struck him that he was all alone and that tonight felt particularly dark and deserted. He had needed to do this errand, but had chosen a time where it would get him out of the bustling mayhem that was going on without him at home. It was a stressful time of day, and he just needed a break. And then there was the trouble at work...
"Listen, man, I'm about to call Lloyd and chew his ass out. I'm not putting up with that shit from him anymore. I feel like I've been taking one for the team here, and not stirring up trouble, but that's about to end!"
A voice on the other end expressed concern.
"Don't worry, I'm about to settle this. Talk to you later. Okay, bye"
As he pulled around the corner, Mike pulled up to the entrance to the building. Stopping his SUV and getting out, his contact lenses immediately fogged up from the moisture in the air combined with eyes tired from focusing all day. He stuffed his cell phone into his jacket pocket and went to the back of the vehicle and quickly popped the rear door open. He needed to unload all of the equipment he was carrying so he could head home and finish his chores for the night.
Suddenly, something gave him a chill up his spine. He looked up quickly and saw a shadow at the end of the row of buildings casually disappear into the corner about 200 yards away. Between his fogged contacts and the dim yellow light oozing over the end of the driveway, which was visible but not necessarily illuminating, Mike couldn't make anything out. As he turned to go into the building to get a cart, he had a sudden flash of memory that made him realize that he was very possibly in a great deal of danger....
Okay, I need feedback or I'm not finishing this story! By the way, this is a true representation of an event that happened last Friday night.
I realized that my writing up to this point has been pretty low risk--either in Journal form or 1st person. Those are both hard to criticize. A good thing about having a close brother is that you can corner him and make him tell you what he really thinks--and Don told me "You have excellent grammar", which, to me, is the equivalent of saying "better than receiving an enema, but not much better...". So I'm trying out 3rd person and a more dramatic writing style.
Thanks, everyone!
10 February 2005
Hey Coach!
I know sometimes my entries are WORDY. Sometimes I even try to fight it. If you read my "excerpts" Email, it was my side of misadventures surrounding me possibly working with a professional coach for a short time (about 3 months) to discuss some possible career moves that I am considering. The guy that I was in contact with, Christopher, is in an intern program, which made me think of some pompous punk big-timing me because every time I tried to reach this guy by telephone he would kind of act snobby and tell me that he couldn't talk to me. This happens to me a lot, because if someone tells me "I need to talk to you at 10 AM", it will probably be 10:05 at the earliest. It's just the way my schedule is.
So, I called this guy (as I allude to in my blog entry) to cancel, and told him "I think our schedules are incompatible." I chickened out from telling him that he was a pompous ass, because those people never take that to heart-they just see it as a deficiency in the person telling them. Well, during the conversation, he told me what he does for a living, and I realize that he bills by the hour (he's a licensed therapist, not a male hooker), and that he was just working me into his schedule--so I feel like a jerk for being so hard on him about his schedule-driven-ness. He tipped me off to his age by telling me (10 times at least) that he has 25 years experience in his field--he's at least in his 50's--also tipped me off that he doesn't really "use" Email...and wanted me to fax a bunch of shit to him.
I'm sure by this point you're sure that I ended the coaching, right? Nope.
And this isn't one of those "penance" projects that Fran always accuses me of. She gives me a hard time if I'm reading Russian literature or something else that is laborious (Melville, Cooper, etc.)--she says that's from my "penance" reading list to pay for all the Stephen King novels I read when I was younger...So I'm not sticking with this guy to pay for nerds of the world (funny joke that just came to mind: dyslexics of the world: untie!) that I've wronged.
What happened is this: I kind of want to go through the coaching process, and he really seems to have a good blueprint for that. Have you ever seen a football coach? Coming from Dallas, our best example is Bill Parcells--that tub of lard looks like the Michelin man! He can't go out and play--the best way to get him to do a situp is to put a jelly doughnut between his feet. But he knows how to motivate and his job is to analyze game film and deliver observations. No, I'm not rationalizing because I'm too much of a wimp to cut the guy loose--I'm rationalizing because, as I talked with this guy, he seemed to follow me with what my possible routes of career are. I'm not looking for a guru to provide some kind of astounding insight--as far as I'm concerned, I'm the guru! I don't expect anyone to know as much about my goals and expectations as me...
It's also kinda funny--I was talking about this coach to my friend, Mike D.--he was just soaking it up, mocking me for getting a coach and really giving me a hard time about it. "Other Mike" is very independent and would really have a hard time submitting to the scrutiny of another person. He really makes fun of my constant goal-setting process because he thinks it is a wasteful, laborious process whereas he just goes along, quite successfully, but perhaps practicing a little bit of revisionist history (ie. "Well, I'm here, aren't I? So I guess the was the plan all along was for me to get here..."). He was quizzing me pretty hard about the coaching process, and I just laughed, because if you can't buy into the fact that goal-setting is productive, then improving your goal-setting through coaching won't make sense, either. Eventually I just smiled very big and said "One of my goals is to find better friends!" This cracked him up and he stopped.
It's kind of like when I was in Sunday school one time--a girl who is an electrical engineer and very smart was talking about a conversation she had with an atheist. She was telling us how she showed him what the Bible says about creation, etc. and she was using the Bible to refute the theory of evolution. HELLO! I corrected her and said that her assumption that the Bible is irrefutable isn't accepted by an atheist, so you are not able to use it as supporting documentation in an argument (circular argument). Dazed looks. Then they took up a petition to get me out of that Sunday school...just kidding.
The point is, I think the coaching process is really to ask more refined questions about the direction you are going. My coach was somewhat unprepared (I later saw a version of the exercise that we were supposed to be going through, and he had really bungled it, but in a rather interesting way), and self-centered, but that can happen to the best of us...However, when going through the exercises that he proposed, which was to assess your career and the efficiency to which your self-determined skill set is being used, I think I got something out of that.
I told him I would continue on...and say 10 Hail Mary's.
So, I called this guy (as I allude to in my blog entry) to cancel, and told him "I think our schedules are incompatible." I chickened out from telling him that he was a pompous ass, because those people never take that to heart-they just see it as a deficiency in the person telling them. Well, during the conversation, he told me what he does for a living, and I realize that he bills by the hour (he's a licensed therapist, not a male hooker), and that he was just working me into his schedule--so I feel like a jerk for being so hard on him about his schedule-driven-ness. He tipped me off to his age by telling me (10 times at least) that he has 25 years experience in his field--he's at least in his 50's--also tipped me off that he doesn't really "use" Email...and wanted me to fax a bunch of shit to him.
I'm sure by this point you're sure that I ended the coaching, right? Nope.
And this isn't one of those "penance" projects that Fran always accuses me of. She gives me a hard time if I'm reading Russian literature or something else that is laborious (Melville, Cooper, etc.)--she says that's from my "penance" reading list to pay for all the Stephen King novels I read when I was younger...So I'm not sticking with this guy to pay for nerds of the world (funny joke that just came to mind: dyslexics of the world: untie!) that I've wronged.
What happened is this: I kind of want to go through the coaching process, and he really seems to have a good blueprint for that. Have you ever seen a football coach? Coming from Dallas, our best example is Bill Parcells--that tub of lard looks like the Michelin man! He can't go out and play--the best way to get him to do a situp is to put a jelly doughnut between his feet. But he knows how to motivate and his job is to analyze game film and deliver observations. No, I'm not rationalizing because I'm too much of a wimp to cut the guy loose--I'm rationalizing because, as I talked with this guy, he seemed to follow me with what my possible routes of career are. I'm not looking for a guru to provide some kind of astounding insight--as far as I'm concerned, I'm the guru! I don't expect anyone to know as much about my goals and expectations as me...
It's also kinda funny--I was talking about this coach to my friend, Mike D.--he was just soaking it up, mocking me for getting a coach and really giving me a hard time about it. "Other Mike" is very independent and would really have a hard time submitting to the scrutiny of another person. He really makes fun of my constant goal-setting process because he thinks it is a wasteful, laborious process whereas he just goes along, quite successfully, but perhaps practicing a little bit of revisionist history (ie. "Well, I'm here, aren't I? So I guess the was the plan all along was for me to get here..."). He was quizzing me pretty hard about the coaching process, and I just laughed, because if you can't buy into the fact that goal-setting is productive, then improving your goal-setting through coaching won't make sense, either. Eventually I just smiled very big and said "One of my goals is to find better friends!" This cracked him up and he stopped.
It's kind of like when I was in Sunday school one time--a girl who is an electrical engineer and very smart was talking about a conversation she had with an atheist. She was telling us how she showed him what the Bible says about creation, etc. and she was using the Bible to refute the theory of evolution. HELLO! I corrected her and said that her assumption that the Bible is irrefutable isn't accepted by an atheist, so you are not able to use it as supporting documentation in an argument (circular argument). Dazed looks. Then they took up a petition to get me out of that Sunday school...just kidding.
The point is, I think the coaching process is really to ask more refined questions about the direction you are going. My coach was somewhat unprepared (I later saw a version of the exercise that we were supposed to be going through, and he had really bungled it, but in a rather interesting way), and self-centered, but that can happen to the best of us...However, when going through the exercises that he proposed, which was to assess your career and the efficiency to which your self-determined skill set is being used, I think I got something out of that.
I told him I would continue on...and say 10 Hail Mary's.
09 February 2005
Explanation required
Couldn't help myself...I had to explain some of these...
1) I have been to both the FBI Academy and Secret Service Academy where I shot fully automatic Uzi's.
Yep
2) I have been in a gunfight, and I've been shot with a shotgun.
As previously stated, perhaps not this dramatic--during summer camp (I was a counselor), 4 of us got into a BB gun fight with some high powered guns. We all chickened out after one guy got shot in the chest and it blew apart a little metal badge that he had on. The shotgun thing did suck--One of my buddies (possibly drunk, but not confirmed) didn't see me and a friend sitting in front of some bushes (we were camoflauged)--he shot directly across the field and nailed me in the shoulder--hurt like crap!
3) I've shot arrows (with points) high into the air and then tried to catch them as they come down.
Candidate for the Darwin award
4) I've been in the halftime show at Texas Stadium during a Dallas Cowboys game.
Yeah, I know, who cares?
5) I've seen the Queen of England
6) I've been explicitly propositioned by a girl who later sent me a card reading "Good Luck with the Maggots!'
The girl was quite gross...We were in Biology together and were raising fruit flies. I ran into her the other day and she looks like a huge, bulging, swollen balloon from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.
7) Bono from U2 gave me (personally, and really) a "Thumbs Up"
Cool, huh? I was standing on a hill giving him a thumbs up, and he rolled down the window of the limo and did it back to me--and I have witnesses...
8) I have invented something, made a prototype, and have almost sent it in for a patent (but probably won't)
Don't ask me what it is--it's stupid.
9) I have been offered the services of a hit man
Really debated whether or not to put this in here--it's funny, too, because it was very casually mentioned.
10) I know someone who made $40,000 in one day in a true pyramid scheme
He actually took it home and buried it for 2 months--the pyramid collaped (of course), and some people lost major money and went around to all involved looking for it--this guy is also related to #9.
11) I have received an award for helping save someone's life after a car accident
12) I have swum a mile (swimmed? swamed?)
That really sucked, too--we were supposed to incrementally warm up over a week by swimming increasingly long distances. I didn't do that part. On the last day, I stayed up all night and just went and jumped in and started swimming. It took forever.
13) I have assisted with research in Alzheimer's Disease, Parkinson's Disease, Cancer, Leukemia, Diabetes, Heart Disease, and Breast Cancer.
14) I have never seen illegal drugs in my life, or been offered to try them (please don't).
15) I have cried at the opera
Shouldn't have put this in here...
16) I cry when I see beautiful impressionist paintings
Don't mind this one so much...
17) I once gave a speech at NASA
It wasn't necessarily to NASA people--it was just at a meeting held at NASA--the speech was about an electron microscopy technique that I helped develop
18) I once had a performance review where I angered the manager so much that she lost her mind, used the F-word at least 20 times, and stormed out of the room. Because I needed the job very badly, I sat there and didn't say anything and never mentioned it to anybody. She was later fired.
Psycho Bitch!
19) I have never broken a bone in my body
20) I was an Eagle Scout and was named "Scout of the Year"
21) I once slept in the woods without a tent and hiked 14 miles in the hills one day completely by myself.
I used to pack in a hammock all the time. I was hiking with some guys who were constantly bitching all the time, so I left them and hiked all day alone--it was great--I saw a ton of animals. However, this was also put in to slightly freak Nicole out...
22) I've been hit by a car and lay in the street in a puddle of blood til someone found me.
Not exactly the best day of my life--I bit all the way through my lower lip
23) I've been injured in the country and had to ride over 100 miles in an ambulance
For the love of Pete, please don't ever ask me about this one...I ended up naked in front of about 1000 people!
24) I'm paralyzed by fear in front of large groups, but I've emceed at a large gathering including telling jokes in front of everyone.
I sincerely HATE public speaking
25) I lived very near a bear's den and used to go watch it all the time
Put this in just to freak out Nicole, who hates bears--I went to Baylor, and the mascot (a black bear) lived in the bear pit across the street.
26) I once accidentally went deer hunting out of season
...but it was in Arkansas, so who cares?
27) I once dumped a girl by moving and never calling her again (a year later I went to the dentist and it was her mom)
Her mom loved me and blamed her daughter--sick, huh?
28) I once wrote a story called "The most Influential Person in My life" and lied about who that person was.
Hmmmmm...kinda begs the question, but I don't want to get into it...
29) I didn't see the ocean until after I was 20 years old, despite visiting Seattle, Boston, and Washington D.C. before that time.
30) I once handcuffed my brother, tied him up with socks, stuffed him in a sleeping bag, put him in a box, and piled stuff on top of the box (Sorry, Don).
Actually, he liked this game...seriously! Didn't you, Don?
31) I've had a job and have made my own money since I was 10 years old
And it's all gone...
32) I was truly "Separated at Birth" and have never met my biological father, and then, this year at age 34, found out that I had a sister that I had no idea existed.
Hi Nicole!
33) I once won a door prize worth over $1000.
Trip to San Antonio, Beautiful hotel suite, Dinner, and $500 cash--someone else with my same name tried to claim it also
34) I can type about 70 wpm
blah blah blah blah blah
35) I was expelled from Elementary school for throwing a desk at a teacher
Too bad she ducked
36) My overall fight record: 8 wins, 1 loss (retired) (Note: 2 wins by knockout, loss to Alberto Guerrera, April 10, 1982) (last fight April 10, 1989)
37) I've had unexpected windfalls of (a lot of money) 3 times in my life
woo hoo!
38) I've been screwed out of (a lot of money), and screwed someone out of $175 one time and couldn't pay him (see #36).
Long stories, but the $175 deal I accidentally lost someone's key to their moped and they got a bunch of parking tickets--then he tried to come at me about a month later and I was forced to kick his ass repeatedly til someone pulled me off him.
39) I was named "Salesperson of the Year" for a large international company
40) I once had a huge crush on a girl and wrote her poems and sent them to her, then never asked her out because I was afraid she would say "no".
What an idiot--it was just friggin high school, for God's sake.
41) I once had a huge crush on a girl and waited in line with her for 2 hours to donate blood because she was a (authentic and sincere and wonderful) "tree-hugging" save-the-world type person, and even used my whole Spring Break to go on a mission trip with her to work in an orphanage. I also used $12 of my last $18 in the world to pay for Chinese food for us because we were both at the restaurant at the same time. I never asked her out once.
Glad I didn't
42) At least 2 different times in my life, I have had dreams so vivid that I woke up the next morning, canceled all my plans, and acted on what my dream told me to do (both times it worked out perfectly, too).
For the record, I do not believe in: ghosts, ESP, UFO's/extraterrestrials, bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster
43) My wife and I were baptized on the same day, September 21st, many years before we ever met.
Not the same year. It was of our own free will and, no, it was not down in the river (next to the van)
44) When I first saw my wife it was literally love at first sight, and I turned to my friend and told him "That's the girl I'm going to marry."
I may have done that before, though, I really don't remember...But I did ask her to marry me after our second date (in the breakroom at work).
45) I have 2 different birth certificates with 2 different names on them.
Weird, huh?
46) I once made a "ninja move" and killed a rat with a 2'x4' with one swing
Hi-yah!
47) I once caught a fish with a piece of string and a chunk of styrofoam (no hook)
Saw a bunch of kids feeding bread to them every night...
48) I studied Latin and received a silver medal on the National Latin Exam. I have had at least brief conversations with others in at least 6 languages (not including Latin).
I know, what a geek. Languages I am fluent in: Spanish, American Sign Language (previous girlfriend's family was all deaf) Kinda know: Lao (previous roommate--I crack his parents up), French, Italian (kinda like Latin) Can say some words: German, Japanese (Also, in American Indian: Shestasahoyataheh = "hello walking bear shit", does that count toward something?)
49) I once was coaxed into impromptu playing "wipeout" on the drums, complete with fast-paced solos and without sheet music at a large gathering with a bunch of strangers
Other than that, I pretty much sucked at drums--that was the peak of my performance career
50) I have officially been on the rolls of the churches of 4 different denominations in my life: I was born Catholic, was christened, and even have Godparents. I was baptized in the Baptist church at the age of 13. (Oddly enough, it's always felt like I was talking to the same God).
So now you know...
1) I have been to both the FBI Academy and Secret Service Academy where I shot fully automatic Uzi's.
Yep
2) I have been in a gunfight, and I've been shot with a shotgun.
As previously stated, perhaps not this dramatic--during summer camp (I was a counselor), 4 of us got into a BB gun fight with some high powered guns. We all chickened out after one guy got shot in the chest and it blew apart a little metal badge that he had on. The shotgun thing did suck--One of my buddies (possibly drunk, but not confirmed) didn't see me and a friend sitting in front of some bushes (we were camoflauged)--he shot directly across the field and nailed me in the shoulder--hurt like crap!
3) I've shot arrows (with points) high into the air and then tried to catch them as they come down.
Candidate for the Darwin award
4) I've been in the halftime show at Texas Stadium during a Dallas Cowboys game.
Yeah, I know, who cares?
5) I've seen the Queen of England
6) I've been explicitly propositioned by a girl who later sent me a card reading "Good Luck with the Maggots!'
The girl was quite gross...We were in Biology together and were raising fruit flies. I ran into her the other day and she looks like a huge, bulging, swollen balloon from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.
7) Bono from U2 gave me (personally, and really) a "Thumbs Up"
Cool, huh? I was standing on a hill giving him a thumbs up, and he rolled down the window of the limo and did it back to me--and I have witnesses...
8) I have invented something, made a prototype, and have almost sent it in for a patent (but probably won't)
Don't ask me what it is--it's stupid.
9) I have been offered the services of a hit man
Really debated whether or not to put this in here--it's funny, too, because it was very casually mentioned.
10) I know someone who made $40,000 in one day in a true pyramid scheme
He actually took it home and buried it for 2 months--the pyramid collaped (of course), and some people lost major money and went around to all involved looking for it--this guy is also related to #9.
11) I have received an award for helping save someone's life after a car accident
12) I have swum a mile (swimmed? swamed?)
That really sucked, too--we were supposed to incrementally warm up over a week by swimming increasingly long distances. I didn't do that part. On the last day, I stayed up all night and just went and jumped in and started swimming. It took forever.
13) I have assisted with research in Alzheimer's Disease, Parkinson's Disease, Cancer, Leukemia, Diabetes, Heart Disease, and Breast Cancer.
14) I have never seen illegal drugs in my life, or been offered to try them (please don't).
15) I have cried at the opera
Shouldn't have put this in here...
16) I cry when I see beautiful impressionist paintings
Don't mind this one so much...
17) I once gave a speech at NASA
It wasn't necessarily to NASA people--it was just at a meeting held at NASA--the speech was about an electron microscopy technique that I helped develop
18) I once had a performance review where I angered the manager so much that she lost her mind, used the F-word at least 20 times, and stormed out of the room. Because I needed the job very badly, I sat there and didn't say anything and never mentioned it to anybody. She was later fired.
Psycho Bitch!
19) I have never broken a bone in my body
20) I was an Eagle Scout and was named "Scout of the Year"
21) I once slept in the woods without a tent and hiked 14 miles in the hills one day completely by myself.
I used to pack in a hammock all the time. I was hiking with some guys who were constantly bitching all the time, so I left them and hiked all day alone--it was great--I saw a ton of animals. However, this was also put in to slightly freak Nicole out...
22) I've been hit by a car and lay in the street in a puddle of blood til someone found me.
Not exactly the best day of my life--I bit all the way through my lower lip
23) I've been injured in the country and had to ride over 100 miles in an ambulance
For the love of Pete, please don't ever ask me about this one...I ended up naked in front of about 1000 people!
24) I'm paralyzed by fear in front of large groups, but I've emceed at a large gathering including telling jokes in front of everyone.
I sincerely HATE public speaking
25) I lived very near a bear's den and used to go watch it all the time
Put this in just to freak out Nicole, who hates bears--I went to Baylor, and the mascot (a black bear) lived in the bear pit across the street.
26) I once accidentally went deer hunting out of season
...but it was in Arkansas, so who cares?
27) I once dumped a girl by moving and never calling her again (a year later I went to the dentist and it was her mom)
Her mom loved me and blamed her daughter--sick, huh?
28) I once wrote a story called "The most Influential Person in My life" and lied about who that person was.
Hmmmmm...kinda begs the question, but I don't want to get into it...
29) I didn't see the ocean until after I was 20 years old, despite visiting Seattle, Boston, and Washington D.C. before that time.
30) I once handcuffed my brother, tied him up with socks, stuffed him in a sleeping bag, put him in a box, and piled stuff on top of the box (Sorry, Don).
Actually, he liked this game...seriously! Didn't you, Don?
31) I've had a job and have made my own money since I was 10 years old
And it's all gone...
32) I was truly "Separated at Birth" and have never met my biological father, and then, this year at age 34, found out that I had a sister that I had no idea existed.
Hi Nicole!
33) I once won a door prize worth over $1000.
Trip to San Antonio, Beautiful hotel suite, Dinner, and $500 cash--someone else with my same name tried to claim it also
34) I can type about 70 wpm
blah blah blah blah blah
35) I was expelled from Elementary school for throwing a desk at a teacher
Too bad she ducked
36) My overall fight record: 8 wins, 1 loss (retired) (Note: 2 wins by knockout, loss to Alberto Guerrera, April 10, 1982) (last fight April 10, 1989)
37) I've had unexpected windfalls of (a lot of money) 3 times in my life
woo hoo!
38) I've been screwed out of (a lot of money), and screwed someone out of $175 one time and couldn't pay him (see #36).
Long stories, but the $175 deal I accidentally lost someone's key to their moped and they got a bunch of parking tickets--then he tried to come at me about a month later and I was forced to kick his ass repeatedly til someone pulled me off him.
39) I was named "Salesperson of the Year" for a large international company
40) I once had a huge crush on a girl and wrote her poems and sent them to her, then never asked her out because I was afraid she would say "no".
What an idiot--it was just friggin high school, for God's sake.
41) I once had a huge crush on a girl and waited in line with her for 2 hours to donate blood because she was a (authentic and sincere and wonderful) "tree-hugging" save-the-world type person, and even used my whole Spring Break to go on a mission trip with her to work in an orphanage. I also used $12 of my last $18 in the world to pay for Chinese food for us because we were both at the restaurant at the same time. I never asked her out once.
Glad I didn't
42) At least 2 different times in my life, I have had dreams so vivid that I woke up the next morning, canceled all my plans, and acted on what my dream told me to do (both times it worked out perfectly, too).
For the record, I do not believe in: ghosts, ESP, UFO's/extraterrestrials, bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster
43) My wife and I were baptized on the same day, September 21st, many years before we ever met.
Not the same year. It was of our own free will and, no, it was not down in the river (next to the van)
44) When I first saw my wife it was literally love at first sight, and I turned to my friend and told him "That's the girl I'm going to marry."
I may have done that before, though, I really don't remember...But I did ask her to marry me after our second date (in the breakroom at work).
45) I have 2 different birth certificates with 2 different names on them.
Weird, huh?
46) I once made a "ninja move" and killed a rat with a 2'x4' with one swing
Hi-yah!
47) I once caught a fish with a piece of string and a chunk of styrofoam (no hook)
Saw a bunch of kids feeding bread to them every night...
48) I studied Latin and received a silver medal on the National Latin Exam. I have had at least brief conversations with others in at least 6 languages (not including Latin).
I know, what a geek. Languages I am fluent in: Spanish, American Sign Language (previous girlfriend's family was all deaf) Kinda know: Lao (previous roommate--I crack his parents up), French, Italian (kinda like Latin) Can say some words: German, Japanese (Also, in American Indian: Shestasahoyataheh = "hello walking bear shit", does that count toward something?)
49) I once was coaxed into impromptu playing "wipeout" on the drums, complete with fast-paced solos and without sheet music at a large gathering with a bunch of strangers
Other than that, I pretty much sucked at drums--that was the peak of my performance career
50) I have officially been on the rolls of the churches of 4 different denominations in my life: I was born Catholic, was christened, and even have Godparents. I was baptized in the Baptist church at the age of 13. (Oddly enough, it's always felt like I was talking to the same God).
So now you know...
04 February 2005
See if you can spot the Untrue story
Just an excuse to tell more stories about myself: Which of these things didn't really happen to me?
1) I have been to both the FBI Academy and Secret Service Academy where I shot fully automatic Uzi's.
2) I have been in a gunfight, and I've been shot with a shotgun.
3) I've shot arrows (with points) high into the air and then tried to catch them as they come down.
4) I've been in the halftime show at Texas Stadium during a Dallas Cowboys game.
5) I've seen the Queen of England
6) I've been explicitly propositioned by a girl who later sent me a card reading "Good Luck with the Maggots!'
7) Bono from U2 gave me (personally, and really) a "Thumbs Up"
8) I have invented something, made a prototype, and have almost sent it in for a patent (but probably won't)
9) I have been offered the services of a hit man
10) I know someone who made $40,000 in one day in a true pyramid scheme
11) I have received an award for helping save someone's life after a car accident
12) I have swum a mile (swimmed? swamed?)
13) I have assisted with research in Alzheimer's Disease, Parkinson's Disease, Cancer, Leukemia, Diabetes, Heart Disease, and Breast Cancer.
14) I have never seen illegal drugs in my life, or been offered to try them (please don't).
15) I have cried at the opera
16) I cry when I see beautiful impressionist paintings
17) I once gave a speech at NASA
18) I once had a performance review where I angered the manager so much that she lost her mind, used the F-word at least 20 times, and stormed out of the room. Because I needed the job very badly, I sat there and didn't say anything and never mentioned it to anybody. She was later fired.
19) I have never broken a bone in my body
20) I was an Eagle Scout and was named "Scout of the Year"
21) I once slept in the woods without a tent and hiked 14 miles in the hills one day completely by myself.
22) I've been hit by a car and lay in the street in a puddle of blood til someone found me.
23) I've been injured in the country and had to ride over 100 miles in an ambulance
24) I'm paralyzed by fear in front of large groups, but I've emceed at a large gathering including telling jokes in front of everyone.
25) I lived very near a bear's den and used to go watch it all the time
26) I once accidentally went deer hunting out of season
27) I once dumped a girl by moving and never calling her again (a year later I went to the dentist and it was her mom)
28) I once wrote a story called "The most Influential Person in My life" and lied about who that person was.
29) I didn't see the ocean until after I was 20 years old, despite visiting Seattle, Boston, and Washington D.C. before that time.
30) I once handcuffed my brother, tied him up with socks, stuffed him in a sleeping bag, put him in a box, and piled stuff on top of the box (Sorry, Don).
31) I've had a job and have made my own money since I was 10 years old
32) I was truly "Separated at Birth" and have never met my biological father, and then, this year at age 34, found out that I had a sister that I had no idea existed.
33) I once won a door prize worth over $1000.
34) I can type about 70 wpm
35) I was expelled from Elementary school for throwing a desk at a teacher
36) My overall fight record: 8 wins, 1 loss (retired) (Note: 2 wins by knockout, loss to Alberto Guerrera, April 10, 1982) (last fight April 10, 1989)
37) I've had unexpected windfalls of (a lot of $$) 3 times in my life
38) I've been screwed out of (a lot of $$), and screwed someone out of $175 one time and couldn't pay him (see #36).
39) I was named "Salesperson of the Year" for a large international company
40) I once had a huge crush on a girl and wrote her poems and sent them to her, then never asked her out because I was afraid she would say "no".
41) I once had a huge crush on a girl and waited in line with her for 2 hours to donate blood because she was a (authentic and sincere and wonderful) "tree-hugging" save-the-world type person, and even used my whole Spring Break to go on a mission trip with her to work in an orphanage. I also used $12 of my last $18 in the world to pay for Chinese food for us because we were both at the restaurant at the same time. I never asked her out once.
42) At least 2 different times in my life, I have had dreams so vivid that I woke up the next morning, canceled all my plans, and acted on what my dream told me to do (both times it worked out perfectly, too).
43) My wife and I were baptized on the same day, September 21st, many years before we ever met.
44) When I first saw my wife it was literally love at first sight, and I turned to my friend and told him "That's the girl I'm going to marry."
45) I have 2 different birth certificates with 2 different names on them.
46) I once made a "ninja move" and killed a rat with a 2'x4' with one swing
47) I once caught a fish with a piece of string and a chunk of styrofoam (no hook)
48) I studied Latin and received a silver medal on the National Latin Exam. I have had at least brief conversations with others in at least 6 languages (not including Latin).
49) I once was coaxed into impromptu playing "wipeout" on the drums, complete with fast-paced solos and without sheet music at a large gathering with a bunch of strangers
50) I have officially been on the rolls of the churches of 4 different denominations in my life: I was born Catholic, was christened, and even have Godparents. I was baptized in the Baptist church at the age of 13. (Oddly enough, it's always felt like I was talking to the same God).
In case you haven't figured it out, all of these are true...I just didn't feel like lying today. Some were told from a dramatic viewpoint (the "gunfight" was a bb gun fight, but still not a good idea, and I was "shot" across a field while bird hunting, which hurt like hell but probably wasn't sooooo dangerous).
If you want a detailed explanation, you're gonna have to ask...
Adios!
M
1) I have been to both the FBI Academy and Secret Service Academy where I shot fully automatic Uzi's.
2) I have been in a gunfight, and I've been shot with a shotgun.
3) I've shot arrows (with points) high into the air and then tried to catch them as they come down.
4) I've been in the halftime show at Texas Stadium during a Dallas Cowboys game.
5) I've seen the Queen of England
6) I've been explicitly propositioned by a girl who later sent me a card reading "Good Luck with the Maggots!'
7) Bono from U2 gave me (personally, and really) a "Thumbs Up"
8) I have invented something, made a prototype, and have almost sent it in for a patent (but probably won't)
9) I have been offered the services of a hit man
10) I know someone who made $40,000 in one day in a true pyramid scheme
11) I have received an award for helping save someone's life after a car accident
12) I have swum a mile (swimmed? swamed?)
13) I have assisted with research in Alzheimer's Disease, Parkinson's Disease, Cancer, Leukemia, Diabetes, Heart Disease, and Breast Cancer.
14) I have never seen illegal drugs in my life, or been offered to try them (please don't).
15) I have cried at the opera
16) I cry when I see beautiful impressionist paintings
17) I once gave a speech at NASA
18) I once had a performance review where I angered the manager so much that she lost her mind, used the F-word at least 20 times, and stormed out of the room. Because I needed the job very badly, I sat there and didn't say anything and never mentioned it to anybody. She was later fired.
19) I have never broken a bone in my body
20) I was an Eagle Scout and was named "Scout of the Year"
21) I once slept in the woods without a tent and hiked 14 miles in the hills one day completely by myself.
22) I've been hit by a car and lay in the street in a puddle of blood til someone found me.
23) I've been injured in the country and had to ride over 100 miles in an ambulance
24) I'm paralyzed by fear in front of large groups, but I've emceed at a large gathering including telling jokes in front of everyone.
25) I lived very near a bear's den and used to go watch it all the time
26) I once accidentally went deer hunting out of season
27) I once dumped a girl by moving and never calling her again (a year later I went to the dentist and it was her mom)
28) I once wrote a story called "The most Influential Person in My life" and lied about who that person was.
29) I didn't see the ocean until after I was 20 years old, despite visiting Seattle, Boston, and Washington D.C. before that time.
30) I once handcuffed my brother, tied him up with socks, stuffed him in a sleeping bag, put him in a box, and piled stuff on top of the box (Sorry, Don).
31) I've had a job and have made my own money since I was 10 years old
32) I was truly "Separated at Birth" and have never met my biological father, and then, this year at age 34, found out that I had a sister that I had no idea existed.
33) I once won a door prize worth over $1000.
34) I can type about 70 wpm
35) I was expelled from Elementary school for throwing a desk at a teacher
36) My overall fight record: 8 wins, 1 loss (retired) (Note: 2 wins by knockout, loss to Alberto Guerrera, April 10, 1982) (last fight April 10, 1989)
37) I've had unexpected windfalls of (a lot of $$) 3 times in my life
38) I've been screwed out of (a lot of $$), and screwed someone out of $175 one time and couldn't pay him (see #36).
39) I was named "Salesperson of the Year" for a large international company
40) I once had a huge crush on a girl and wrote her poems and sent them to her, then never asked her out because I was afraid she would say "no".
41) I once had a huge crush on a girl and waited in line with her for 2 hours to donate blood because she was a (authentic and sincere and wonderful) "tree-hugging" save-the-world type person, and even used my whole Spring Break to go on a mission trip with her to work in an orphanage. I also used $12 of my last $18 in the world to pay for Chinese food for us because we were both at the restaurant at the same time. I never asked her out once.
42) At least 2 different times in my life, I have had dreams so vivid that I woke up the next morning, canceled all my plans, and acted on what my dream told me to do (both times it worked out perfectly, too).
43) My wife and I were baptized on the same day, September 21st, many years before we ever met.
44) When I first saw my wife it was literally love at first sight, and I turned to my friend and told him "That's the girl I'm going to marry."
45) I have 2 different birth certificates with 2 different names on them.
46) I once made a "ninja move" and killed a rat with a 2'x4' with one swing
47) I once caught a fish with a piece of string and a chunk of styrofoam (no hook)
48) I studied Latin and received a silver medal on the National Latin Exam. I have had at least brief conversations with others in at least 6 languages (not including Latin).
49) I once was coaxed into impromptu playing "wipeout" on the drums, complete with fast-paced solos and without sheet music at a large gathering with a bunch of strangers
50) I have officially been on the rolls of the churches of 4 different denominations in my life: I was born Catholic, was christened, and even have Godparents. I was baptized in the Baptist church at the age of 13. (Oddly enough, it's always felt like I was talking to the same God).
In case you haven't figured it out, all of these are true...I just didn't feel like lying today. Some were told from a dramatic viewpoint (the "gunfight" was a bb gun fight, but still not a good idea, and I was "shot" across a field while bird hunting, which hurt like hell but probably wasn't sooooo dangerous).
If you want a detailed explanation, you're gonna have to ask...
Adios!
M
03 February 2005
Greatest American Hero
I remember this was a show in the early '80's--the premise was that this alien ship gives a goofy, Art Garfunkel-esque guy a superhero uniform with special powers, and then the instructions blow away and it is always doing something unexpected...Also, I remember the theme song was "groovy" (and strangely enough, I really mean that seriously).
The point is, I'M the Greatest American Hero. That is, in my stories, at least...I may try to trick you and sucker you in with some self-deprecating humor, or even stories that make me look a little like the bad guy, but the overall theme is: “Mike is going through the world with the best of intentions”. I wonder if that's really true. I'd like to think it is, but I wonder if the "Bad Guys" think: "You know, I'm going to screw over so and so..." or "heh heh heh--what Evil can I work on the world today..."
Maybe it was because more than one person has nicknamed me "All American"...maybe it sank too far into my head...
I read somewhere that it is more endearing to people when they make a first impression to be competent yet fallible than to be strictly competent. The test was to set up a situation where an unwitting assistant is supposed to meet a “brilliant” guy who is coming in for an interview. The guy is very handsome and well spoken. They re-run the test with an equally competent person, but this time he “accidentally” spills a glass of water and politely helps clean it up. “Waterboy” is always selected as a more likeable person!
This just flashed in my mind: Have you ever met someone who is super-cool but completely MELTS DOWN when there is a problem. Maybe this situation settles that doubt, or even possibly makes the observer feel more in control of the situation, like they have the upper hand now since the guy in question has made a mistake in their presence.
You wanna know something a little sick? Armed with this knowledge, I’ve actually used this technique to further my sales career. Especially if I feel like someone is either intimidated by me or just doesn't trust me, which actually does happen sometimes. I’m pretty good at my job, and know a lot about my field, and by default I’m kind of a type-A personality, driver kind of guy (which I struggle against sometimes because I don’t want to die of a heart attack just yet please). So, if I walk in and feel like I’ve been a little too aggressive or someone really has their defenses up, I may drop my pen or point out something awkward like the fact that I have run out of business cards or don’t have the information that I need to give them (like a brochure or something)—it usually works to loosen things up a little.
Here’s a situation that has happened more than once. I’m carefully watching someone’s body language and they have their arms crossed and they aren’t telling me everything openly about what they need. My job, without getting into too much detail, is to talk to scientists and find out about an area of their research, then design custom equipment (out of a variety of about 2000 existing parts, not out an erector set or raw materials or anything like that) that fits their needs. If they don’t tell me what they are working on, invariably I will miss something very important that they need down the road (I really hate that I use “down the road” all the time). A lot of times, the scientist wants to try to take the burden on him or herself to try to learn all about our equipment so they don’t get “screwed” by having to purchase something they don’t need—which is a valid concern because unfortunately our equipment is indecipherable to the human brain without years of training. It’s kind of a standoff. And they hold the cards.
So…to break the ice, I may fumble around in my briefcase and say “Before I forget, let me get you one of my cards….Ahhh, you know what? I just gave away my last one! Sorry about that, I guess I’m not much of a salesman, huh?” Sometimes it works, sometimes it really makes them hate me (but only the overanalytical assholes who I really don't care to work with anyway).
True story: One time, while writing a (extremely large) order for me, a customer told me “The other guy is a better salesman than you, but I’m ordering this from you because I think the product is better and I know you’ll help me with the equipment when it gets in.” Hee Hee! How good could the other guy be if he just lost a huge order?
Side Note: Salespeople get a BAD rap because of cheesy tricks like the one I just described previously. And here I go reinforcing it. The way I go to bed at night is knowing that I actually am going to help this person when they need it, but, yes, there are people that use similar techniques to gain sympathy and thus more business, then leave the customers out in the cold. I call that “strip mining”—those people tend to change jobs every 2-4 years in our industry, but while they are around they can be successful.
I even know 2 people that pimp their family to gain sympathy all the time—I really try hard not to talk about family things with customers. I think that’s a double-edged sword—it may be a little endearing, like, “Oh, so this guy has a soul after all…” But I also see them trying to reach me on Friday afternoon, muttering to themselves “Yeah, I bet he’s packed up the station wagon and he’s driving his family to the lake already while I’m stuck here working all weekend.”—It kind of gives them too many things to make a mental picture with. Or maybe I’m just more private than that. These 2 people I mentioned tell all kinds of sob stories about their kids and wife that died of cancer and all their hardships—believe it or not, it really works for them! But I’ve also had people comment that it completely turns them off and they resent the manipulation.
So…as the hero of my own stories, I will give you an interpretive look at some of my common themes:
Superficial story theme: Look at this goofy guy: (referring to someone else)
Mike superhero theme: Super Observation Powers and a Super Goofy Guy detector!
Theme: Wow! I really screwed up!
SuperMike theme: I have an incredible X-Ray Soul vision and turbo self-correction power!
Theme: blah, blah, blah, work in an obscure reference
SuperMike: Super Memory and a deadly arsenal of knowledge
Theme: blah, blah, blah, work in the word “shit”
SuperMike: …and he blends in seamlessly with the common man
Theme: I really bitched someone out today
SuperMike: Against my will, I confronted someone with the perfect balance of truth and aggressiveness to get their attention and help them be a better person (SuperIntentions?)
Theme: Look at this random crap that happened
SuperMike theme: Impervious to all assault, he continues on his mission.
The real problem is that, even after analyzing myself as coldly and maliciously as possible, I still feel like I’m a hero. And I really do want to save the world. And I really do try. And that’s what I’m all about.
The End
The point is, I'M the Greatest American Hero. That is, in my stories, at least...I may try to trick you and sucker you in with some self-deprecating humor, or even stories that make me look a little like the bad guy, but the overall theme is: “Mike is going through the world with the best of intentions”. I wonder if that's really true. I'd like to think it is, but I wonder if the "Bad Guys" think: "You know, I'm going to screw over so and so..." or "heh heh heh--what Evil can I work on the world today..."
Maybe it was because more than one person has nicknamed me "All American"...maybe it sank too far into my head...
I read somewhere that it is more endearing to people when they make a first impression to be competent yet fallible than to be strictly competent. The test was to set up a situation where an unwitting assistant is supposed to meet a “brilliant” guy who is coming in for an interview. The guy is very handsome and well spoken. They re-run the test with an equally competent person, but this time he “accidentally” spills a glass of water and politely helps clean it up. “Waterboy” is always selected as a more likeable person!
This just flashed in my mind: Have you ever met someone who is super-cool but completely MELTS DOWN when there is a problem. Maybe this situation settles that doubt, or even possibly makes the observer feel more in control of the situation, like they have the upper hand now since the guy in question has made a mistake in their presence.
You wanna know something a little sick? Armed with this knowledge, I’ve actually used this technique to further my sales career. Especially if I feel like someone is either intimidated by me or just doesn't trust me, which actually does happen sometimes. I’m pretty good at my job, and know a lot about my field, and by default I’m kind of a type-A personality, driver kind of guy (which I struggle against sometimes because I don’t want to die of a heart attack just yet please). So, if I walk in and feel like I’ve been a little too aggressive or someone really has their defenses up, I may drop my pen or point out something awkward like the fact that I have run out of business cards or don’t have the information that I need to give them (like a brochure or something)—it usually works to loosen things up a little.
Here’s a situation that has happened more than once. I’m carefully watching someone’s body language and they have their arms crossed and they aren’t telling me everything openly about what they need. My job, without getting into too much detail, is to talk to scientists and find out about an area of their research, then design custom equipment (out of a variety of about 2000 existing parts, not out an erector set or raw materials or anything like that) that fits their needs. If they don’t tell me what they are working on, invariably I will miss something very important that they need down the road (I really hate that I use “down the road” all the time). A lot of times, the scientist wants to try to take the burden on him or herself to try to learn all about our equipment so they don’t get “screwed” by having to purchase something they don’t need—which is a valid concern because unfortunately our equipment is indecipherable to the human brain without years of training. It’s kind of a standoff. And they hold the cards.
So…to break the ice, I may fumble around in my briefcase and say “Before I forget, let me get you one of my cards….Ahhh, you know what? I just gave away my last one! Sorry about that, I guess I’m not much of a salesman, huh?” Sometimes it works, sometimes it really makes them hate me (but only the overanalytical assholes who I really don't care to work with anyway).
True story: One time, while writing a (extremely large) order for me, a customer told me “The other guy is a better salesman than you, but I’m ordering this from you because I think the product is better and I know you’ll help me with the equipment when it gets in.” Hee Hee! How good could the other guy be if he just lost a huge order?
Side Note: Salespeople get a BAD rap because of cheesy tricks like the one I just described previously. And here I go reinforcing it. The way I go to bed at night is knowing that I actually am going to help this person when they need it, but, yes, there are people that use similar techniques to gain sympathy and thus more business, then leave the customers out in the cold. I call that “strip mining”—those people tend to change jobs every 2-4 years in our industry, but while they are around they can be successful.
I even know 2 people that pimp their family to gain sympathy all the time—I really try hard not to talk about family things with customers. I think that’s a double-edged sword—it may be a little endearing, like, “Oh, so this guy has a soul after all…” But I also see them trying to reach me on Friday afternoon, muttering to themselves “Yeah, I bet he’s packed up the station wagon and he’s driving his family to the lake already while I’m stuck here working all weekend.”—It kind of gives them too many things to make a mental picture with. Or maybe I’m just more private than that. These 2 people I mentioned tell all kinds of sob stories about their kids and wife that died of cancer and all their hardships—believe it or not, it really works for them! But I’ve also had people comment that it completely turns them off and they resent the manipulation.
So…as the hero of my own stories, I will give you an interpretive look at some of my common themes:
Superficial story theme: Look at this goofy guy: (referring to someone else)
Mike superhero theme: Super Observation Powers and a Super Goofy Guy detector!
Theme: Wow! I really screwed up!
SuperMike theme: I have an incredible X-Ray Soul vision and turbo self-correction power!
Theme: blah, blah, blah, work in an obscure reference
SuperMike: Super Memory and a deadly arsenal of knowledge
Theme: blah, blah, blah, work in the word “shit”
SuperMike: …and he blends in seamlessly with the common man
Theme: I really bitched someone out today
SuperMike: Against my will, I confronted someone with the perfect balance of truth and aggressiveness to get their attention and help them be a better person (SuperIntentions?)
Theme: Look at this random crap that happened
SuperMike theme: Impervious to all assault, he continues on his mission.
The real problem is that, even after analyzing myself as coldly and maliciously as possible, I still feel like I’m a hero. And I really do want to save the world. And I really do try. And that’s what I’m all about.
The End
31 January 2005
Just in case you were wondering
Ouch! I just had quite an experience that I would like to share with the world...I'm a big believer in listening to advice from others. I mean, I consider the source, so if a homeless guy advises me to invest in Enron or something, or like when my mom told me "Don't worry, just charge the hell out of your Sears card when you get a new house--everyone does that and just pays it off over time" (okay, on that one, I actually listened and paid the price).
My buddy brought me some cool stuff from Africa, including a Masai "beat yo ass over the head" club (If I EVER figure out how to put pictures on my Blog, it will go right here ->)
For some reason (here in Texas, we have a joke: What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies? A: "Hey ya'll, watch this!") I thought--what would a Masai head-beating club SMELL like?
The answer is...it smells kinda like campfire smoke, also like Masai BO (I've now seen pictures of the way they carry this club tucked into their pants, which I'm trying to forget), and...hmmm...something else....
RHINO ASS!
So just in case you were wondering, just take my advice and visualize it rather than experiencing it.
My buddy brought me some cool stuff from Africa, including a Masai "beat yo ass over the head" club (If I EVER figure out how to put pictures on my Blog, it will go right here ->)
For some reason (here in Texas, we have a joke: What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies? A: "Hey ya'll, watch this!") I thought--what would a Masai head-beating club SMELL like?
The answer is...it smells kinda like campfire smoke, also like Masai BO (I've now seen pictures of the way they carry this club tucked into their pants, which I'm trying to forget), and...hmmm...something else....
RHINO ASS!
So just in case you were wondering, just take my advice and visualize it rather than experiencing it.
30 January 2005
Kinda Funny...
So, a real fun thing for me to do is after I finish typing my blog entries, I just hit "Next Blog" and see what happens. Usually, it is a blog from someone in Japan, Mexico, or someone who thought it would be a great idea to post a bunch of crap about insurance or investments--yeah, dude, I'm gonna get financial advice from blogspot, just because you're cool...
So I stumbled across one (I didn't save the link like a real doofus), about a woman who is blogging her sex life with her husband. So, I creepily read the first entry, which at first seemed sweet, then I was kinda like I wanted to close the page but it was like looking at the sun or something, I just couldn't stop even though I didn't want to. Then I was like, holy shit! This lady's into all kindsa kinky stuff!...So I inadvertantly read "true life" porn--oh, well. It's kinda weird, too, like it wasn't explicitly worded, but was just what she was feeling, so it felt even more personally invasive. Anyway, it creeped me out--bigtime! What a prude. The worst 2 hours of my life--just kidding! Maybe 3 minutes.
But here's the kinda funny part. I took my 5-year old on a little field trip yesterday, and we had a couple of very funny moments.
We sometimes play this game called "what's the magic word?" Of course, it's "please", but just to jack with his head (like I heard one person say one time that they were going to teach their kid the colors all incorrectly just to see what happens), sometimes I make him guess it and make it "abracadabra" or "open sesame" or something else fun.
So, I bought him a hot dog and a bag of skittles which he picked out, and me a burger and a snickers bar. I set the candy in the middle of the table for when we were finished eating. Anyway, Ryan did the old ninja trick of taking one bite of each end of the hot dog and kind of wrinkling up the bun and announcing that he was finished eating--I don't blame him, because I think it's been rolling around on that machine since Clinton left office.
So I told him: "Ryan, you need to take 2 more bites of hot dog"
Ryan: "What's the magic word?"
Me: "Ryan, please take one more bite of hot dog"
R: "Nope, that's not it..."
Me: "Abracadabra"
R: Nope!
Me: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
R: (laughing) No!
Me: another 10 guesses
R: (no)
Me: (reaching out and picking up both the snickers and skittles) "I guess I get to eat both snickers and skittles today"
R: (pausing thoughtfully): "That's It!", and he takes another bite of hot dog.
So, when we're leaving, we have parked in an area where a million people are crossing the street, and we have to sit and wait for every single one of them to cross. Anyone that doesn't have kids, at a certain age you realize that they are very sensitive to tension and moods and stuff like that, and I could tell that Ryan was impatient to go. He was back-seat driving from his car seat by leaning out into the middle aisle and watching the people come and go across the street in front of me, and of course, I wasn't revving the engine or anything crappy, but I was eager to get out. That reminds me "The Age of Innocence", there's a great line: Americans are always in a hurry to leave the theatre...
So, as we are about to go, here come two very slow walking people right out in front of us just as it was clearing up.
Ryan, in his best New York cabdriver accent: "Well, whaddya know! Two morons!"
I thought that was hilarious, but then I thought "you know, I really ought to be a little more careful about saying negative things in front of my 5-year-old.
So, Fran read some of my writing. I knew she would hate it, because she emotionally HATES that job that I had and the owner of the company and we had a traumatic ending to that whole thing with an assasination attempt and suicide bombing and snipers and government witness protection and the whole thing (okay, maybe not really all that, but it was still bad). So, to her it would be like reading a warm, fuzzy story about Hitler--there's just no way she's going to like it because it was just too emotional and she can't separate herself from the crap that happened.
But here's something useful she did tell me "I hate your parenthesis problem"
Me "What problem? I thought that was kind of funny and a good way to put unrelated comments."
F: "I feel like I'm reading a novel at the airport and some retarded dude comes over my shoulder and yells 'Hey!' every 2 minutes! I can't focus on the main train of thought. It makes me tired while I'm reading it."
Me (sheepishly) "Oh, okay."
I was going to end this by tying it to the original paragraph of this entry, but....I don't think so this time...
So I stumbled across one (I didn't save the link like a real doofus), about a woman who is blogging her sex life with her husband. So, I creepily read the first entry, which at first seemed sweet, then I was kinda like I wanted to close the page but it was like looking at the sun or something, I just couldn't stop even though I didn't want to. Then I was like, holy shit! This lady's into all kindsa kinky stuff!...So I inadvertantly read "true life" porn--oh, well. It's kinda weird, too, like it wasn't explicitly worded, but was just what she was feeling, so it felt even more personally invasive. Anyway, it creeped me out--bigtime! What a prude. The worst 2 hours of my life--just kidding! Maybe 3 minutes.
But here's the kinda funny part. I took my 5-year old on a little field trip yesterday, and we had a couple of very funny moments.
We sometimes play this game called "what's the magic word?" Of course, it's "please", but just to jack with his head (like I heard one person say one time that they were going to teach their kid the colors all incorrectly just to see what happens), sometimes I make him guess it and make it "abracadabra" or "open sesame" or something else fun.
So, I bought him a hot dog and a bag of skittles which he picked out, and me a burger and a snickers bar. I set the candy in the middle of the table for when we were finished eating. Anyway, Ryan did the old ninja trick of taking one bite of each end of the hot dog and kind of wrinkling up the bun and announcing that he was finished eating--I don't blame him, because I think it's been rolling around on that machine since Clinton left office.
So I told him: "Ryan, you need to take 2 more bites of hot dog"
Ryan: "What's the magic word?"
Me: "Ryan, please take one more bite of hot dog"
R: "Nope, that's not it..."
Me: "Abracadabra"
R: Nope!
Me: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
R: (laughing) No!
Me: another 10 guesses
R: (no)
Me: (reaching out and picking up both the snickers and skittles) "I guess I get to eat both snickers and skittles today"
R: (pausing thoughtfully): "That's It!", and he takes another bite of hot dog.
So, when we're leaving, we have parked in an area where a million people are crossing the street, and we have to sit and wait for every single one of them to cross. Anyone that doesn't have kids, at a certain age you realize that they are very sensitive to tension and moods and stuff like that, and I could tell that Ryan was impatient to go. He was back-seat driving from his car seat by leaning out into the middle aisle and watching the people come and go across the street in front of me, and of course, I wasn't revving the engine or anything crappy, but I was eager to get out. That reminds me "The Age of Innocence", there's a great line: Americans are always in a hurry to leave the theatre...
So, as we are about to go, here come two very slow walking people right out in front of us just as it was clearing up.
Ryan, in his best New York cabdriver accent: "Well, whaddya know! Two morons!"
I thought that was hilarious, but then I thought "you know, I really ought to be a little more careful about saying negative things in front of my 5-year-old.
So, Fran read some of my writing. I knew she would hate it, because she emotionally HATES that job that I had and the owner of the company and we had a traumatic ending to that whole thing with an assasination attempt and suicide bombing and snipers and government witness protection and the whole thing (okay, maybe not really all that, but it was still bad). So, to her it would be like reading a warm, fuzzy story about Hitler--there's just no way she's going to like it because it was just too emotional and she can't separate herself from the crap that happened.
But here's something useful she did tell me "I hate your parenthesis problem"
Me "What problem? I thought that was kind of funny and a good way to put unrelated comments."
F: "I feel like I'm reading a novel at the airport and some retarded dude comes over my shoulder and yells 'Hey!' every 2 minutes! I can't focus on the main train of thought. It makes me tired while I'm reading it."
Me (sheepishly) "Oh, okay."
I was going to end this by tying it to the original paragraph of this entry, but....I don't think so this time...
28 January 2005
Another blog on the fire
Anyone following along will see that I've had a pretty weird week with some negative moments. I'm going to put another one (notice I don't say, the last one--seems like there have been 10 or so "episodes" this week)--this one is controversial, so it could just be that I'm crazy. I'm also going to just lay it out there and some of you guys (particularly one person) will know the players involved, but I'm not going to hold back.
So I sent a gift to a person that I don't know very well, which made me quite nervous. One of the items was a book of Walt Whitman's poems that reminded me of this person--I am not a huge Whitman fan but I could have qualified for a minor in Literature except my University didn't award minors, and one of the obscure classes that I took focused on Whitman's poetry for about a month. Well, this person reminded me of 2 of Whitman's poems: Song of Myself (about individualism), and O Captain My Captain (Which is about Abraham Lincoln's assasination, but uses metaphor about Lincoln as the leader of the country, a respected individual, etc. But this person is actually a Captain, so I thought that was cool--Also, I put a joke in there about ignoring the line in the poem "Fallen cold and dead".) Anyway, the poem has a fantastic cadence to it and is fun to read--I would type it out here but the book is downstairs right now...
Side note: Mike's Drumbeats is actually a play on perhaps 3 things: 1) I kinda do my thing differently (aka different drummer) 2) I actually played drums in school and 3) "Drum Taps" was Whitman's book of poetry about the Civil War (I think his first book), and some of my things are supposed to resemble poetic language.
So, in this class, I was supposed to analyze Song of Myself, which I quoted in my letter...blah, blah, blah...so it is somwhat stuck in my brain.
When the person gets the gift, they call me and say "You must be a fan of Dead Poet's Society"--it was really (not my imagination) worded like they were "busting" me. Huh? Then I realized that both of these poems were referenced in the movie (good thing I didn't include the dagger scene from Shakespeare)(or sign it Carpe Diem!--see, I do remember the movie)--I haven't seen that movie in....a long time...but I did like it, in a B-movie kind of way. I love Robin Williams, who has the same birthday as me, and who has done both his share and my (untouched) share of cocaine but is funny as hell.
So, I kind of went through some trouble to come up with something personal that could possibly be meaningful, and this person seemed to interpret it as me being pretentious and snobby and trying to act like I know something about poetry (I confess, right here and right now, that I know precious little and have never read a single Edgar Allen Poe poem and I didn't think Thoroeau was very good, etc.--I was, however, a charter member of my elementary school's library/poetry club by memorizing Robert Frost's "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening", which I cling desperately to as my one tie to culture--that and my collector's item pink flamingo collection in the front yard).
Another interpretation: This person is self-absorbed and acted that way for some reason that has nothing to do with me and didn't consider that they were coming across as ugly...hmmm I think I'll take that one.
Anyway, I was really trying to be nice, but now I feel rotten and defensive about it and look at myself and think "what a pretentious bastard--why would you send a book of poetry to someone that you don't know? Maybe you WERE trying to make someone think you are 'literary wizard' when you are a 'science lizard'"--okay, just put that in because it rhymes and have no idea what that means.
Here's another one: Maybe next time a Whitman's Sampler instead of a sample of Whitman!
And another: I guess my gift horse just got a root canal!
Just FYI everyone-I won't be turning my blog into "true confessions" any time soon, but I wanted ya'll to know what was going on with me this week.
See ya!
So I sent a gift to a person that I don't know very well, which made me quite nervous. One of the items was a book of Walt Whitman's poems that reminded me of this person--I am not a huge Whitman fan but I could have qualified for a minor in Literature except my University didn't award minors, and one of the obscure classes that I took focused on Whitman's poetry for about a month. Well, this person reminded me of 2 of Whitman's poems: Song of Myself (about individualism), and O Captain My Captain (Which is about Abraham Lincoln's assasination, but uses metaphor about Lincoln as the leader of the country, a respected individual, etc. But this person is actually a Captain, so I thought that was cool--Also, I put a joke in there about ignoring the line in the poem "Fallen cold and dead".) Anyway, the poem has a fantastic cadence to it and is fun to read--I would type it out here but the book is downstairs right now...
Side note: Mike's Drumbeats is actually a play on perhaps 3 things: 1) I kinda do my thing differently (aka different drummer) 2) I actually played drums in school and 3) "Drum Taps" was Whitman's book of poetry about the Civil War (I think his first book), and some of my things are supposed to resemble poetic language.
So, in this class, I was supposed to analyze Song of Myself, which I quoted in my letter...blah, blah, blah...so it is somwhat stuck in my brain.
When the person gets the gift, they call me and say "You must be a fan of Dead Poet's Society"--it was really (not my imagination) worded like they were "busting" me. Huh? Then I realized that both of these poems were referenced in the movie (good thing I didn't include the dagger scene from Shakespeare)(or sign it Carpe Diem!--see, I do remember the movie)--I haven't seen that movie in....a long time...but I did like it, in a B-movie kind of way. I love Robin Williams, who has the same birthday as me, and who has done both his share and my (untouched) share of cocaine but is funny as hell.
So, I kind of went through some trouble to come up with something personal that could possibly be meaningful, and this person seemed to interpret it as me being pretentious and snobby and trying to act like I know something about poetry (I confess, right here and right now, that I know precious little and have never read a single Edgar Allen Poe poem and I didn't think Thoroeau was very good, etc.--I was, however, a charter member of my elementary school's library/poetry club by memorizing Robert Frost's "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening", which I cling desperately to as my one tie to culture--that and my collector's item pink flamingo collection in the front yard).
Another interpretation: This person is self-absorbed and acted that way for some reason that has nothing to do with me and didn't consider that they were coming across as ugly...hmmm I think I'll take that one.
Anyway, I was really trying to be nice, but now I feel rotten and defensive about it and look at myself and think "what a pretentious bastard--why would you send a book of poetry to someone that you don't know? Maybe you WERE trying to make someone think you are 'literary wizard' when you are a 'science lizard'"--okay, just put that in because it rhymes and have no idea what that means.
Here's another one: Maybe next time a Whitman's Sampler instead of a sample of Whitman!
And another: I guess my gift horse just got a root canal!
Just FYI everyone-I won't be turning my blog into "true confessions" any time soon, but I wanted ya'll to know what was going on with me this week.
See ya!
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