Just an excuse to tell more stories about myself: Which of these things didn't really happen to me?
1) I have been to both the FBI Academy and Secret Service Academy where I shot fully automatic Uzi's.
2) I have been in a gunfight, and I've been shot with a shotgun.
3) I've shot arrows (with points) high into the air and then tried to catch them as they come down.
4) I've been in the halftime show at Texas Stadium during a Dallas Cowboys game.
5) I've seen the Queen of England
6) I've been explicitly propositioned by a girl who later sent me a card reading "Good Luck with the Maggots!'
7) Bono from U2 gave me (personally, and really) a "Thumbs Up"
8) I have invented something, made a prototype, and have almost sent it in for a patent (but probably won't)
9) I have been offered the services of a hit man
10) I know someone who made $40,000 in one day in a true pyramid scheme
11) I have received an award for helping save someone's life after a car accident
12) I have swum a mile (swimmed? swamed?)
13) I have assisted with research in Alzheimer's Disease, Parkinson's Disease, Cancer, Leukemia, Diabetes, Heart Disease, and Breast Cancer.
14) I have never seen illegal drugs in my life, or been offered to try them (please don't).
15) I have cried at the opera
16) I cry when I see beautiful impressionist paintings
17) I once gave a speech at NASA
18) I once had a performance review where I angered the manager so much that she lost her mind, used the F-word at least 20 times, and stormed out of the room. Because I needed the job very badly, I sat there and didn't say anything and never mentioned it to anybody. She was later fired.
19) I have never broken a bone in my body
20) I was an Eagle Scout and was named "Scout of the Year"
21) I once slept in the woods without a tent and hiked 14 miles in the hills one day completely by myself.
22) I've been hit by a car and lay in the street in a puddle of blood til someone found me.
23) I've been injured in the country and had to ride over 100 miles in an ambulance
24) I'm paralyzed by fear in front of large groups, but I've emceed at a large gathering including telling jokes in front of everyone.
25) I lived very near a bear's den and used to go watch it all the time
26) I once accidentally went deer hunting out of season
27) I once dumped a girl by moving and never calling her again (a year later I went to the dentist and it was her mom)
28) I once wrote a story called "The most Influential Person in My life" and lied about who that person was.
29) I didn't see the ocean until after I was 20 years old, despite visiting Seattle, Boston, and Washington D.C. before that time.
30) I once handcuffed my brother, tied him up with socks, stuffed him in a sleeping bag, put him in a box, and piled stuff on top of the box (Sorry, Don).
31) I've had a job and have made my own money since I was 10 years old
32) I was truly "Separated at Birth" and have never met my biological father, and then, this year at age 34, found out that I had a sister that I had no idea existed.
33) I once won a door prize worth over $1000.
34) I can type about 70 wpm
35) I was expelled from Elementary school for throwing a desk at a teacher
36) My overall fight record: 8 wins, 1 loss (retired) (Note: 2 wins by knockout, loss to Alberto Guerrera, April 10, 1982) (last fight April 10, 1989)
37) I've had unexpected windfalls of (a lot of $$) 3 times in my life
38) I've been screwed out of (a lot of $$), and screwed someone out of $175 one time and couldn't pay him (see #36).
39) I was named "Salesperson of the Year" for a large international company
40) I once had a huge crush on a girl and wrote her poems and sent them to her, then never asked her out because I was afraid she would say "no".
41) I once had a huge crush on a girl and waited in line with her for 2 hours to donate blood because she was a (authentic and sincere and wonderful) "tree-hugging" save-the-world type person, and even used my whole Spring Break to go on a mission trip with her to work in an orphanage. I also used $12 of my last $18 in the world to pay for Chinese food for us because we were both at the restaurant at the same time. I never asked her out once.
42) At least 2 different times in my life, I have had dreams so vivid that I woke up the next morning, canceled all my plans, and acted on what my dream told me to do (both times it worked out perfectly, too).
43) My wife and I were baptized on the same day, September 21st, many years before we ever met.
44) When I first saw my wife it was literally love at first sight, and I turned to my friend and told him "That's the girl I'm going to marry."
45) I have 2 different birth certificates with 2 different names on them.
46) I once made a "ninja move" and killed a rat with a 2'x4' with one swing
47) I once caught a fish with a piece of string and a chunk of styrofoam (no hook)
48) I studied Latin and received a silver medal on the National Latin Exam. I have had at least brief conversations with others in at least 6 languages (not including Latin).
49) I once was coaxed into impromptu playing "wipeout" on the drums, complete with fast-paced solos and without sheet music at a large gathering with a bunch of strangers
50) I have officially been on the rolls of the churches of 4 different denominations in my life: I was born Catholic, was christened, and even have Godparents. I was baptized in the Baptist church at the age of 13. (Oddly enough, it's always felt like I was talking to the same God).
In case you haven't figured it out, all of these are true...I just didn't feel like lying today. Some were told from a dramatic viewpoint (the "gunfight" was a bb gun fight, but still not a good idea, and I was "shot" across a field while bird hunting, which hurt like hell but probably wasn't sooooo dangerous).
If you want a detailed explanation, you're gonna have to ask...
Adios!
M
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