13 October 2005

Dialog of a Backpack Purchase


"I'm still high bidder--but there's still a couple of hours to go..."

"I think this is a bad idea."

"Look right here: it says 'Used once. Like New!' ...and look at the picture--it looks brand new!"

"There's no way they'll get it to you in time--you're leaving next weekend!"

"I'll just tell them that I need it by then."

"What do they care? They already have your money! Besides, how do you even know it's going to fit?"

"I went to REI and loaded it up with weight and tried it on. It fit great! Plus it's the color I want. My old backpack is an ugly orange color--looks like I've got one of those street pylons strapped to my back or something."

(not laughing) "Ha ha. I still think it's a bad idea"

"What, Ebay in general?"

"No. Cutting things this close to your trip, Mr. Sarcasm. So, hey, how many bids have there been?"

"I don't know--something like 10 or so."

"Someone will come in at the last minute and outbid you--it always happens to me that way."

---an hour later----

(Fran, calling upstairs) "Are you still winning?"

"Don't know--let me check real quick. It ends in an hour or so....No, some dude just outbid me."

"Well don't bid on it anymore--just go to REI and get a new one! That way, you know you'll have it."

My son, Ryan, walking in, tears welling in his eyes: "Dad, I really wanted you to get that one!"

"It's okay, Ryan--I'll get this one, but I'll get it from the store."

"But I wanted you to win..."

"Hey buddy, even if you win, you still have to pay for it."

I put him to bed.

---Forty minutes later-Twenty minutes to go on the bid---

I can't believe that guy waited until the very end and outbid me. I'll bet a bunch of people have driven the price up by now...

No way! His bid is standing at $1 over mine!

(Fran, calling up from downstairs): "Mike, Do Not bid on that backpack--they'll never get it to you in time!"

How did she know I was looking at it? (I hit the "refresh" button....20 times)

That guy is going to have to pay the "Mike Tax" for outbidding me! I'll raise him up a couple of bucks, the bastard!

---Ten minutes to go---

Enter a bid for $2 higher

What?! I'm the highest bidder? He only overbid me by $1? What an idiot!

---Time ticking, ever so slowly...---

One minute to go and I'm still the high bidder--here's where everyone comes in and goes bananas outbidding me up to a number that is ludicris.

5
-refresh-
4
-refresh-
3
-refresh-
2
-refreh-
1

delay

I won! What a great deal!

Now let's see if I get it on time! UPDATE: Got it with a week to spare! Yeah!!!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

So YOU'RE the SOB that outbid me?!!!! I needed this pack for my pilgrimage to the Greater Antilles! Now, I'll have to come before the Master with all of my worldly possesions in a plastic Target bag. How humiliating :( and *all* of the other pilgrims will deride me and say mean things....
I hope that you enjoy the pack - a Kelty has always been my dream...or was that a shelty? Well, it doesn't matter now...Good luck! I'm off to Target.

Anonymous said...

You can definitely stuff more in a Kelty than a shelty...

Anonymous said...

You're right other-anon (oh god! why didn't i have my meds this AM?) but I can't *remember* the dream :(
Was it to stuff? Or not to stuff? *That* is the question!

Now, lest I suffer the barbs of an angry Mike - i'm outta here!

Anonymous said...

Mike,

love that enjambment, intentional or not..."I'm still high"...."bidder..."

most artful ;) my friend would be impressed!

cheers!

Mike's Drumbeats said...

1) Approaching the master should be done humbly

2) No comment

3) Please...take your meds. And I'm laughing, of course...

(Has anyone else noticed that many of my friends prefer to remain anonymous? I'm trying not to take that personally :)

4) Unfortunately, my brain does not work that way...intentionally anyway. In fact, I'm having a hard time understanding it now :)

Thanks for the comments!

Mike

Anonymous said...

Mike,

Yes, the sad fact is that we *must* maintain our distance. Our jobs, our families, our children, our sanity - all depend on insulation from, well, Mike. I'm sorry, that's just the way it is. Do you remember what happened to the friends and family of Elmer Gruntwhistle after the "Molasses Caper"? It wasn't pretty...

Oh, Approaching the Master... Humble is good... plastic Target bag is, well, declasse. Kelty would be *much* better (thanks again sob!)sorry, that isn't befitting an enlightened being such as myself...

#4) check out enjambment, then checkout you post - quite cool :) even *if* your brain doesn't work that way!

cheers,

Anastasia's cousin