Pigtails...
10 August 2005
09 August 2005
The Anatomy of a Sale
I'm wondering how interesting this will be to other people. I guess I'm even wondering how interesting this is to me...
I'm working on selling something to a customer right now--I thought I would lay out my thought process. The funny thing is--I don't know if I'm getting the order or not. The reason I picked this one is that this is a tough one.
Step 1. Initial Contact. The customer called me last Wednesday and told me he is interested in purchasing...a relatively large order, but not the biggest in the world--suffice it to say, it would make my week (but not my month) be much happier. We talked over the phone, and I could tell right away that he had some preconceived ideas about what he wanted, was fairly well informed, but had been using some very old equipment. Whatever I bring in will definitely "wow" him. He didn't mention other competition (there are 3 competitors: 1 will be similar quality to mine but a higher price, 1 will be lower quality than mine but about 10% lower price, 1 is unpredicatable on quality and price and usually doesn't return their phone calls). None of them gives service to this facility to the same degree as me, but a lot of times customers don't think they need service (of course, until they really need it) so they don't figure that in no matter how annoyingly you bring it up to them--I need to think of a better way to highlight this.
Normally, demonstrations take a couple of weeks to set up, but I happened to know while I was talking on the phone that I had every piece of specialized equipment that he was requesting so I committed to coming in in 2 days. My goal was to out-hustle my competitors and hopefully claim the order before they even responded.
My thought was: If I am the first one in to show him equipment, then I get to reap the benefit of the "wow" factor. The downside is that, if he does a comparison with my competitors' equipment, they will all be much better than he is used to using and he could lump us all together and go for the lowest price, which we will not win. In other words, we can't differentiate ourselves enough to justify a price advantage because everything is new technology to him, and the differences subtle compared to the overall jump in quality.
Step 2. First meeting. In this case, our first meeting was a demonstration. I brought in tons of equipment but expected to be in and out in about 1-2 hours. No way. He called in multiple groups through multiple departments and, unexpectedly, I was there over 8 hours!
The guy is relatively conservative, a little older than my average customer, and he was playing things quite close to the vest, being careful not to get too excited about anything because, I believe, he thought this would give me an unfair advantage (ie. if he likes it I won't discount as aggressively) Now to me, this doesn't make a lot of sense--I don't think I've ever felt good about buying something that I got a good price on but wasn't what I wanted....nevertheless it is a common negotiation method. Once I realized this, I realized that I couldn't read this guy too well. He had a great poker face.
Then he told me that he was definitely going to shop the competition, saying he felt obligated to do so to appease the purchasing department of the company. So, my "wow" factor is definitely going to be diminished. It is commonly believed that the last person to demonstrate holds a definite advantage in a negotiation. The first demonstration has to definitely be better to win. Not being able to read this guy, it was a hard call. A couple of times during the demonstration, he let his guard down--one time I caught him telling a colleague that he was able to get clearer data than had ever been documented before, and in another case he told me that something was "just extraordinary." Truly, it was breathtaking (if you're into his sort of work)--but he quickly composed himself.
Another thing that was positive was that we went to lunch (if you read my entry on "Running around on Empty", it was about this day--I drove him around on an empty tank in my dirty car)--I always think it is a good sign if you can eat or drink (coffee or coke) with a customer--it increases familiarity without being cheesy). He was nice but reserved.
Step 3. Following up. I put together a very professional proposal. I incorporated some of the data that we collected during the demonstration, including graphic images that we collected--I montaged them into a very impressive proposal and had it bound--NOBODY else in the industry does anything like this, and it was very impressive if I say so myself. When I gave it to him (I hand-delivered it), he kept his poker face on and just nodded. To me, this tipped his hand of trying to be very reserved and not show any enthusiasm for my proposal (no, I'm not being delusional--it was a NICE proposal).
He did tell me that the price was in line with what he was expecting to pay, that it fell within his budget, and that it seemed reasonable. He also asked me what we call "buying indicators", which are questions that show that he is thinking toward the next step of buying (ie. "Does the equipment fit on this table?" "How would you modify this room to work with your system?" "What kind of computer should I get to run this?") So this was a good sign, but no smile--I felt like he was trying to remain objectively removed, so it wouldn't be personal if he didn't buy.
Here was my goal: I felt like my competitors would take forever to get back to this guy (seems like they already are doing this as expected). I wanted to give him the royal treatment and hopefully raise the bar for those other yo-yo's. When they show up and act ditzy and disorganized and unprepared and unknoweldgeable, I want the customer to go back to his office, look at my proposal, and be irritated that they suck so bad and feel like he has no choice but to go with me. He seems like the kind that will be irritated with incompetence. I even prepared a list of unique "lockout" features so he can justify to the accounting department why he is paying 5% more for our system.
A downside: It could look like I'm trying too hard, putting in a disproportionate effort to win a medium-sized order. He could completely discount any extra effort and just go from his perceived results from other demonstrations (it is almost impossible to compare two manufacturer's components fairly--which is ironic). Then it would be up in the air.
A positive in my favor: Someone in an adjacent building has almost exactly the same unusual mix of equipment--bought it last year, and he's thrilled with it and told this new guy so. Also, this new customer is from Canada, and the other guy is from Canada. But: maybe new Canada guy doesn't want to feel pushed into going with the same stuff as old Canada guy...who knows? Maybe he wants to be unique and feel like he's being risky (to me, that's the only reason people buy from that wacky 4th competitor, but sometimes it does mysteriously happen and then the customer is puzzled when nobody comes to put it together, or actually ever comes back again to help them in any way).
Step 4. Closing. I'm not at that point yet--it will happen in 2 days. There was one other aspect of the equipment that the customer would like to examine. I am getting 6 small components overnighted to me from across the country and we are going to look at them on Canada guy #1's equipment on Thursday. Then I am going to ask for this new guy's business). I bet my competitor won't even have demosntrated or assembled his anticipated low-ball quote yet.
The good news is: I really believe that if he doesn't buy this machinery from me, he is going to lose out. Nobody is going to take as good care of him as I will! I'll keep you posted on what happens.
I'm working on selling something to a customer right now--I thought I would lay out my thought process. The funny thing is--I don't know if I'm getting the order or not. The reason I picked this one is that this is a tough one.
Step 1. Initial Contact. The customer called me last Wednesday and told me he is interested in purchasing...a relatively large order, but not the biggest in the world--suffice it to say, it would make my week (but not my month) be much happier. We talked over the phone, and I could tell right away that he had some preconceived ideas about what he wanted, was fairly well informed, but had been using some very old equipment. Whatever I bring in will definitely "wow" him. He didn't mention other competition (there are 3 competitors: 1 will be similar quality to mine but a higher price, 1 will be lower quality than mine but about 10% lower price, 1 is unpredicatable on quality and price and usually doesn't return their phone calls). None of them gives service to this facility to the same degree as me, but a lot of times customers don't think they need service (of course, until they really need it) so they don't figure that in no matter how annoyingly you bring it up to them--I need to think of a better way to highlight this.
Normally, demonstrations take a couple of weeks to set up, but I happened to know while I was talking on the phone that I had every piece of specialized equipment that he was requesting so I committed to coming in in 2 days. My goal was to out-hustle my competitors and hopefully claim the order before they even responded.
My thought was: If I am the first one in to show him equipment, then I get to reap the benefit of the "wow" factor. The downside is that, if he does a comparison with my competitors' equipment, they will all be much better than he is used to using and he could lump us all together and go for the lowest price, which we will not win. In other words, we can't differentiate ourselves enough to justify a price advantage because everything is new technology to him, and the differences subtle compared to the overall jump in quality.
Step 2. First meeting. In this case, our first meeting was a demonstration. I brought in tons of equipment but expected to be in and out in about 1-2 hours. No way. He called in multiple groups through multiple departments and, unexpectedly, I was there over 8 hours!
The guy is relatively conservative, a little older than my average customer, and he was playing things quite close to the vest, being careful not to get too excited about anything because, I believe, he thought this would give me an unfair advantage (ie. if he likes it I won't discount as aggressively) Now to me, this doesn't make a lot of sense--I don't think I've ever felt good about buying something that I got a good price on but wasn't what I wanted....nevertheless it is a common negotiation method. Once I realized this, I realized that I couldn't read this guy too well. He had a great poker face.
Then he told me that he was definitely going to shop the competition, saying he felt obligated to do so to appease the purchasing department of the company. So, my "wow" factor is definitely going to be diminished. It is commonly believed that the last person to demonstrate holds a definite advantage in a negotiation. The first demonstration has to definitely be better to win. Not being able to read this guy, it was a hard call. A couple of times during the demonstration, he let his guard down--one time I caught him telling a colleague that he was able to get clearer data than had ever been documented before, and in another case he told me that something was "just extraordinary." Truly, it was breathtaking (if you're into his sort of work)--but he quickly composed himself.
Another thing that was positive was that we went to lunch (if you read my entry on "Running around on Empty", it was about this day--I drove him around on an empty tank in my dirty car)--I always think it is a good sign if you can eat or drink (coffee or coke) with a customer--it increases familiarity without being cheesy). He was nice but reserved.
Step 3. Following up. I put together a very professional proposal. I incorporated some of the data that we collected during the demonstration, including graphic images that we collected--I montaged them into a very impressive proposal and had it bound--NOBODY else in the industry does anything like this, and it was very impressive if I say so myself. When I gave it to him (I hand-delivered it), he kept his poker face on and just nodded. To me, this tipped his hand of trying to be very reserved and not show any enthusiasm for my proposal (no, I'm not being delusional--it was a NICE proposal).
He did tell me that the price was in line with what he was expecting to pay, that it fell within his budget, and that it seemed reasonable. He also asked me what we call "buying indicators", which are questions that show that he is thinking toward the next step of buying (ie. "Does the equipment fit on this table?" "How would you modify this room to work with your system?" "What kind of computer should I get to run this?") So this was a good sign, but no smile--I felt like he was trying to remain objectively removed, so it wouldn't be personal if he didn't buy.
Here was my goal: I felt like my competitors would take forever to get back to this guy (seems like they already are doing this as expected). I wanted to give him the royal treatment and hopefully raise the bar for those other yo-yo's. When they show up and act ditzy and disorganized and unprepared and unknoweldgeable, I want the customer to go back to his office, look at my proposal, and be irritated that they suck so bad and feel like he has no choice but to go with me. He seems like the kind that will be irritated with incompetence. I even prepared a list of unique "lockout" features so he can justify to the accounting department why he is paying 5% more for our system.
A downside: It could look like I'm trying too hard, putting in a disproportionate effort to win a medium-sized order. He could completely discount any extra effort and just go from his perceived results from other demonstrations (it is almost impossible to compare two manufacturer's components fairly--which is ironic). Then it would be up in the air.
A positive in my favor: Someone in an adjacent building has almost exactly the same unusual mix of equipment--bought it last year, and he's thrilled with it and told this new guy so. Also, this new customer is from Canada, and the other guy is from Canada. But: maybe new Canada guy doesn't want to feel pushed into going with the same stuff as old Canada guy...who knows? Maybe he wants to be unique and feel like he's being risky (to me, that's the only reason people buy from that wacky 4th competitor, but sometimes it does mysteriously happen and then the customer is puzzled when nobody comes to put it together, or actually ever comes back again to help them in any way).
Step 4. Closing. I'm not at that point yet--it will happen in 2 days. There was one other aspect of the equipment that the customer would like to examine. I am getting 6 small components overnighted to me from across the country and we are going to look at them on Canada guy #1's equipment on Thursday. Then I am going to ask for this new guy's business). I bet my competitor won't even have demosntrated or assembled his anticipated low-ball quote yet.
The good news is: I really believe that if he doesn't buy this machinery from me, he is going to lose out. Nobody is going to take as good care of him as I will! I'll keep you posted on what happens.
08 August 2005
06 August 2005
So Bummed....
I was really hyped up to write about a great movie: "Cool Hand Luke". We have a DVR (digital video recorder, like Tivo--if you have never tried using one, it's AWESOME and addictive)--every time the following movies come on, I record them: Cool Hand Luke, Rudy, Tommy Boy, Run Lola Run.
About 2 years ago, I spent about 10 days working out of town at a workshop with a guy from California. We got along really well--he was a very sharp guy and a hard worker. We got around to talking about Cool Hand Luke and I told him that I thought it was a parallel story, obviously about a guy who builds himself up to fellow prisoners--entertaining enough in itself. The second dimension is that Luke is wide eyed and searching for God with all his heart. This part is somewhat easy to ignore and still take the movie at face value, but I think you miss something if you don't examine it (By the way, this is not BS like my Napoleon Dynamite and Hippo posts). My new friend was kind of blown away and had not seen that dimension to the movie at all, so I thought I had been gifted with super-keen insight.
Briefly, here are some scenes that reinforce this view of this theme in the movie:
1) Cutting the heads of parking meters, which is the offense which sends him to jail: Luke describes it as "Just Settling and old Score"--metaphorically, he is aimlessly rebelling agsint authority--laughing at God and daring him to punish him to prove his existence.
2) The device is skilfully embedded. Different people in authority periodically symbolize God as hard-line auhority and a distant, aloof, unresponsive being. Dragline punching Luke and Luke keeps getting up and coming back--this represents the human spirit, which overcomes adversity. The Big Boss breaks Luke down through senseless tedium of digging a hole and filling it back in. Once Luke sees no purpose, his spirit crumbles.
3) When his mother dies, Luke sings a song including the lines: "I don't care if it rains or freezes, long as I got that plastic Jesus, sitting on the dashboard in my car..."It reduces faith to an object and trivializes deep feelings to a superstitous talisman.
4) The guys are out on highway duty and it starts to lightning outside--everyone scrambles into the truck, but Luke stands in the rain and looks toward the sky. Dragline asks "Ain't ya scared, Luke?" and Luke shouts at the clouds "Come on, old-timer, here I am! Love me, hate me, just let me know you're there!" I think sometimes I know just how he feels. He wants to have faith, but he needs proof that it isn't useless.
5) One of the great lines of the movie is "What we have here is failure to communicate." In light of the spiritual interpretation, the double meaning is obvious. It is a sad, deep statement that man can't communicate with God.
6) When Luke eats 50 eggs for the enjoyment of his friends, he takes on the role of Christ, sacrificing himself for their entertainment. I've never seen this referred to anywhere: As he is finished and the guys are walking away from him, Luke is laid out on the table with arms outstretched, half-naked, and posed just like a crucifix.
So, I thought I was this wonderful, insightful, philosophical person and I was planning this well thought out blog entry on this (instead of this entry which was just written off the cuff in 15 minutes). I started researching it and found a guy wrote an excellent, scholastically-worded essay on this topic with some better examples than I came up with. Oh, well...jerk.
I mentioned to Fran how I was going to write something about Cool Hand Luke and she says, "Oh, about how Luke is Jesus?" So...maybe I wasn't onto something so obscure after all...
05 August 2005
Runnin' Around on Empty
Two quick notes first:
1) Yeah!!!! Someone (from Australia) read some of the poems that are lined on my side panel. Hooray! I was starting to wonder if that was a bad idea. And they picked a really good one by EE Cummings (read it--it's beautiful: somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond .
2) Kaitlyn's new trick--she LOVES the brightly-colored marshmallows from Lucky Charms (you know--hearts, diamonds, rainbows, clovers, and the like). The other bits--well, not so much. So here I was...picking the marshmallows out for her and putting them into a small bowl for her to snack on, hoping against hope that Fran didn't see me and get made that I'm wasting the cereal. Laughing as she carries the bowl across the house spraying marshmallows everywhere.
Fran and I square off a little when it comes to cars. She has her way of doing things and I have my way of doing things. She says I drive like an 80-year-old grandma and I would like to wear a kevlar bodysuit with crash helmet when I'm in the car with her. Here's my point of view (Fran's going to have to start a blog if she wants to represent hers):
1) Note: I drive 45,000 miles per year. Fran: 6,000. I believe this gives me credibility. Also, I believe this means that I have to drive a little more defensively than the average person, because, odds are, I'm going to come into contact with a maniac at some point and I need to be on guard. I say defensive. You say paranoid. ee-ther--eye-ther, nee-ther--neye-ther, let's call the whole thing off...
2) I believe that you shouldn't go more than 5 mph over the posted speed limit, unless you are on the highway and can see very well down the road. Then you shouldn't go over 80 (I believe you are obliged to, at some point in the life of your car, take it over 100 mph--so far, so good).
3) I believe that you should stop at all Red Lights (go figure), and, when you come to a stop sign, the car should actually stop moving at some point.
4) Here's my yellow light rule (I know, it's complicated). In general, I go through a yellow light. If I am approaching a stale green light, I slow down in anticipation of it turning yellow (which makes Fran pass out into a coma in protesting that we may miss the opportunity to "Dukes of Hazzard" it through the intersection--gotta get one of those horns...). If someone is tailgating me, I'll just go through the light. If I have a bunch of crap in the car, I'll just go through rather than slowing down and getting hit by flying debris. Other than that, I'm pretty conservative and prefer to stop rather than cutting it close. (Fran's rule: If you can see the light when it is still yellow, just go through--my fingernail marks are permanently embedded in the dashboard).
5) I think if you come in contact with a reckless or drunk driver, you should stay (far) behind them, no matter how inconvenient or annoying it is to do so. Not: "Let's pass this drunk dumbass!" This way, you maintain control of the situation. If they are behind you, you can not stop them from hitting you and you really have no control. This drives her absolutely bananas.
6) I do not care (Kramer) if your magic shortcut route is 0.17432 miles shorter than the other way!
7) Given the choice, I will take 1 minute taking a protected turn rather than have to play "frogger" trying to dart across oncoming traffic. Call me silly. Go ahead, roll the dice for yourself.
8) Then there's the gas thing. Here's my confession: I KNOW I'M WRONG ABOUT THIS!!!! But also: I LOVE BEING WRONG ABOUT THIS!!!! I wait until the gas light comes on--especially if I am just driving around town. Then I drive til I damn well feel like filling up. I hate getting gas on my hands, and I always seem to. Her dad used to really get onto her about keeping her tank full (she drove a diesel--it was more important to keep it full). Then there was this ONE TIME when I ran out of gas and she had to bring me some--I was very close to a gas station by our house. It was 5 years ago! Let it go! She thinks I should fill up when it goes below the 1/2 way mark. NO! That's all I would be doing all day long and I would smell like the Human Torch!
So, this being said, I went to do a demonstration today for a customer--40 miles away. When I left the house, the gas light came on. I was running...well, just on time...and I didn't want to stop and I didn't want to smell like gas when I got there since I was meeting the guy for the first time and I didn't want him to think I was out huffing in the parking lot, so I figured I would go to my appointment, which should take an hour or so, and then get gas on the way home at a station right by his building.
The appointment unexpectedly lasted over 8 hours! During the middle of it, the customer asked me to drive us both to lunch. Oh well, I just figured if we run out of gas, at least there's someone else to help push...We got to lunch and back safely and the appointment went well.
I left the office and went straight to the gas station. When I filled up, I put 17.2 gallons in--the tank is only supposed to hold 16.7 gallons when empty. And it cost me $41.00. Then I foolishly decided to mention it to Fran and she went ballistic on me.
So, the point is, I may be silly, but at least there is some semblance of logic behind it. Right?
1) Yeah!!!! Someone (from Australia) read some of the poems that are lined on my side panel. Hooray! I was starting to wonder if that was a bad idea. And they picked a really good one by EE Cummings (read it--it's beautiful: somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond .
2) Kaitlyn's new trick--she LOVES the brightly-colored marshmallows from Lucky Charms (you know--hearts, diamonds, rainbows, clovers, and the like). The other bits--well, not so much. So here I was...picking the marshmallows out for her and putting them into a small bowl for her to snack on, hoping against hope that Fran didn't see me and get made that I'm wasting the cereal. Laughing as she carries the bowl across the house spraying marshmallows everywhere.
Fran and I square off a little when it comes to cars. She has her way of doing things and I have my way of doing things. She says I drive like an 80-year-old grandma and I would like to wear a kevlar bodysuit with crash helmet when I'm in the car with her. Here's my point of view (Fran's going to have to start a blog if she wants to represent hers):
1) Note: I drive 45,000 miles per year. Fran: 6,000. I believe this gives me credibility. Also, I believe this means that I have to drive a little more defensively than the average person, because, odds are, I'm going to come into contact with a maniac at some point and I need to be on guard. I say defensive. You say paranoid. ee-ther--eye-ther, nee-ther--neye-ther, let's call the whole thing off...
2) I believe that you shouldn't go more than 5 mph over the posted speed limit, unless you are on the highway and can see very well down the road. Then you shouldn't go over 80 (I believe you are obliged to, at some point in the life of your car, take it over 100 mph--so far, so good).
3) I believe that you should stop at all Red Lights (go figure), and, when you come to a stop sign, the car should actually stop moving at some point.
4) Here's my yellow light rule (I know, it's complicated). In general, I go through a yellow light. If I am approaching a stale green light, I slow down in anticipation of it turning yellow (which makes Fran pass out into a coma in protesting that we may miss the opportunity to "Dukes of Hazzard" it through the intersection--gotta get one of those horns...). If someone is tailgating me, I'll just go through the light. If I have a bunch of crap in the car, I'll just go through rather than slowing down and getting hit by flying debris. Other than that, I'm pretty conservative and prefer to stop rather than cutting it close. (Fran's rule: If you can see the light when it is still yellow, just go through--my fingernail marks are permanently embedded in the dashboard).
5) I think if you come in contact with a reckless or drunk driver, you should stay (far) behind them, no matter how inconvenient or annoying it is to do so. Not: "Let's pass this drunk dumbass!" This way, you maintain control of the situation. If they are behind you, you can not stop them from hitting you and you really have no control. This drives her absolutely bananas.
6) I do not care (Kramer) if your magic shortcut route is 0.17432 miles shorter than the other way!
7) Given the choice, I will take 1 minute taking a protected turn rather than have to play "frogger" trying to dart across oncoming traffic. Call me silly. Go ahead, roll the dice for yourself.
8) Then there's the gas thing. Here's my confession: I KNOW I'M WRONG ABOUT THIS!!!! But also: I LOVE BEING WRONG ABOUT THIS!!!! I wait until the gas light comes on--especially if I am just driving around town. Then I drive til I damn well feel like filling up. I hate getting gas on my hands, and I always seem to. Her dad used to really get onto her about keeping her tank full (she drove a diesel--it was more important to keep it full). Then there was this ONE TIME when I ran out of gas and she had to bring me some--I was very close to a gas station by our house. It was 5 years ago! Let it go! She thinks I should fill up when it goes below the 1/2 way mark. NO! That's all I would be doing all day long and I would smell like the Human Torch!
So, this being said, I went to do a demonstration today for a customer--40 miles away. When I left the house, the gas light came on. I was running...well, just on time...and I didn't want to stop and I didn't want to smell like gas when I got there since I was meeting the guy for the first time and I didn't want him to think I was out huffing in the parking lot, so I figured I would go to my appointment, which should take an hour or so, and then get gas on the way home at a station right by his building.
The appointment unexpectedly lasted over 8 hours! During the middle of it, the customer asked me to drive us both to lunch. Oh well, I just figured if we run out of gas, at least there's someone else to help push...We got to lunch and back safely and the appointment went well.
I left the office and went straight to the gas station. When I filled up, I put 17.2 gallons in--the tank is only supposed to hold 16.7 gallons when empty. And it cost me $41.00. Then I foolishly decided to mention it to Fran and she went ballistic on me.
So, the point is, I may be silly, but at least there is some semblance of logic behind it. Right?
04 August 2005
Up with People
I really like to compliment people. It is a game to me sometimes to come up with a good and true compliment for a friend or even a stranger.
Here's how I got started:
I was 22 years old and pretty self-conscious. All growing up, I was extremely shy and found it hard to leave my comfort zone to initiate conversations with others (some people find this hard to believe now). I always had friends, but I never could figure out exactly how I had made friends with them (except for my best buddy, Gar, but that's a story for another day).
After some financial setbacks, I took some classes at community college while working my way out of poverty. One of these classes was a Public Speaking class that met on Saturdays. When I showed up, I was amazed--43 women and 3 guys! It was pretty unbelievable.
There's something that happens when the girl/guy ratio gets this out of whack: the woman act like the guys aren't there, and talk freely. This can be a terrifying experience! Also: educational, and not always in a good way.
But I noticed something on the first day of class--an older, black woman, the only non-white person in our class in suburban North Dallas, seemed a little out of place and nervous. We all had to get up and deliver an introductory speech, and I detected a slight quiver in her voice, although she said a couple of self-deprecating jokes, which seemed out of place in my mind--I thought an older woman would be confident in front of everyone, and it stuck with me.
During the break in the class, I was overwhelmingly compelled to speak to this woman. I left my comfort zone and approached her very timidly. The funny thing is that I can remember doing it but I can't remember exactly what I said, or even what her name was, but I really just wanted more than anything for her to feel comfortable in the class.
I think I said "You know, I just wanted to tell you that I thought you were really funny when you did your talk earlier--I got a real kick out of you."
It was January--very cold and gray outside. She was smoking a cigarette--she looked up and smiled very broadly. Someone else sitting nearby also said something nice to her.
That was really it. I didn't really interact with her very much. I did my speeches on the constitutionality of burning the American Flag, and how to pack for a hiking trip. The teacher pretty much sucked and was winging it. It was hard to get to class on Saturday AM. One of the other guys dropped the class and I was educated in the workings of the female mind beyond anything I could have hoped for. I noticed that the woman that I spoke to got into the class and even had made several friends among the other women there.
At the end of April, we had a "good bye" speech. I had already given mine. The woman that I spoke to got up to talk, and this is what she said:
"... I would like to mention something that happened back on the first day of class. When I got to class and realized that I was the only black person, I made the assumption that I wouldn't fit in very well with this class--that I had little in common with everyone else. I planned to sit through the first break and quietly slip away when we came back to class.
I want everyone to know that Mike in our class came up to me and said a few kind words to me--in another 5 minutes I would have been gone. It gave me the encouragement and courage to get back into class and give everyone a chance. I learned a lot about myself because of this. I wouldn't have missed this class for anything, and I am just so glad that he came to me when he did. It made all the difference.
I made some friends in this class that I really like, and I feel that the way that I view the world has changed a little because of it. And I just wanted to take the opportunity to say 'Thank You, Mike'". The class gasped. Then they broke out in applause. It was an emotional moment.
I'm sitting here writing this and feel silly because tears still come to my eyes to think of hearing those words--I was stunned. Tears also came to my eyes when she delivered that speech, and I was really happy that I went out of my way and acted on my feelings of empathy--it is more about justifying this effort and encouraging others to do the same thing--I know, it is hard . I'm not relating this story to brag about how wonderful a person I am--it is still very hard for me to do it, but the memory of how much this meant to her is still encouraging over ten years later.
I go out of my way to sincerely compliment people any chance I get. Sometimes maybe I even sound gushy and unfortunately perhaps disingenuous. But, overall I hope it makes a difference to someone else like it did in that group. I am willing to humble myself to lift someone else up.
Here's how I got started:
I was 22 years old and pretty self-conscious. All growing up, I was extremely shy and found it hard to leave my comfort zone to initiate conversations with others (some people find this hard to believe now). I always had friends, but I never could figure out exactly how I had made friends with them (except for my best buddy, Gar, but that's a story for another day).
After some financial setbacks, I took some classes at community college while working my way out of poverty. One of these classes was a Public Speaking class that met on Saturdays. When I showed up, I was amazed--43 women and 3 guys! It was pretty unbelievable.
There's something that happens when the girl/guy ratio gets this out of whack: the woman act like the guys aren't there, and talk freely. This can be a terrifying experience! Also: educational, and not always in a good way.
But I noticed something on the first day of class--an older, black woman, the only non-white person in our class in suburban North Dallas, seemed a little out of place and nervous. We all had to get up and deliver an introductory speech, and I detected a slight quiver in her voice, although she said a couple of self-deprecating jokes, which seemed out of place in my mind--I thought an older woman would be confident in front of everyone, and it stuck with me.
During the break in the class, I was overwhelmingly compelled to speak to this woman. I left my comfort zone and approached her very timidly. The funny thing is that I can remember doing it but I can't remember exactly what I said, or even what her name was, but I really just wanted more than anything for her to feel comfortable in the class.
I think I said "You know, I just wanted to tell you that I thought you were really funny when you did your talk earlier--I got a real kick out of you."
It was January--very cold and gray outside. She was smoking a cigarette--she looked up and smiled very broadly. Someone else sitting nearby also said something nice to her.
That was really it. I didn't really interact with her very much. I did my speeches on the constitutionality of burning the American Flag, and how to pack for a hiking trip. The teacher pretty much sucked and was winging it. It was hard to get to class on Saturday AM. One of the other guys dropped the class and I was educated in the workings of the female mind beyond anything I could have hoped for. I noticed that the woman that I spoke to got into the class and even had made several friends among the other women there.
At the end of April, we had a "good bye" speech. I had already given mine. The woman that I spoke to got up to talk, and this is what she said:
"... I would like to mention something that happened back on the first day of class. When I got to class and realized that I was the only black person, I made the assumption that I wouldn't fit in very well with this class--that I had little in common with everyone else. I planned to sit through the first break and quietly slip away when we came back to class.
I want everyone to know that Mike in our class came up to me and said a few kind words to me--in another 5 minutes I would have been gone. It gave me the encouragement and courage to get back into class and give everyone a chance. I learned a lot about myself because of this. I wouldn't have missed this class for anything, and I am just so glad that he came to me when he did. It made all the difference.
I made some friends in this class that I really like, and I feel that the way that I view the world has changed a little because of it. And I just wanted to take the opportunity to say 'Thank You, Mike'". The class gasped. Then they broke out in applause. It was an emotional moment.
I'm sitting here writing this and feel silly because tears still come to my eyes to think of hearing those words--I was stunned. Tears also came to my eyes when she delivered that speech, and I was really happy that I went out of my way and acted on my feelings of empathy--it is more about justifying this effort and encouraging others to do the same thing--I know, it is hard . I'm not relating this story to brag about how wonderful a person I am--it is still very hard for me to do it, but the memory of how much this meant to her is still encouraging over ten years later.
I go out of my way to sincerely compliment people any chance I get. Sometimes maybe I even sound gushy and unfortunately perhaps disingenuous. But, overall I hope it makes a difference to someone else like it did in that group. I am willing to humble myself to lift someone else up.
It's 1:38 AM
...and I am FREAKED OUT!!!
I just watched the Sixth Sense and I can't decide if the creepy skinny naked dude is going to break in and shoot me or if the creepy vomiting girl ghost is going to appear in front of me, but I'm pretty sure one of those things is going to happen. I hate that M Night Shamalamadingdong guy--he scares the crap out of me. Did you see Signs? AHHHH! Seriously, I just shivered typing that out. I hate scary movies-I don't know why I let myself watch them.
Also, seriously, I went into the bathroom and had to look behind the shower curtain for the vomiting ghost girl.
No sleeping for me tonight, I guess. Gotta stay up on the lookout for creepy naked skinny guy.
"I see dead people."
Here's the funniest movie line I ever accidentally quoted. Twenty of my coworkers and I were out of town and we went to a nice dinner. One guy and I were trading lines from "There's Something About Mary", and the whole room got kind of quiet right at the exact moment I blurted out "I work with retards." (a line from the movie). Whoops. The guy next to me didn't realize it was a movie line and serously was a little upset. I thought of that because he resigned today. He was a great guy and I'll miss him--maybe he'll have time to catch up on some movies...
No word from the marketing department.
There are some really cool blogs that you ought to check out.
In no particular order:
1. Shoplift Windchimes. Hey-if you click on the windchimes you can read his cool poems (I like Kite and Mockingbird the best). If I could really write, I would write like this guy. If you click on Click to Enter, he's got a very wacky blog. I liked it so much I almost left a comment, but then I got shy because I didn't want him to know how stupid I am.
2. Human+Universe. Okay--this one is great, but...This dude is a physicist from Malaysia and he's wicked smart. But in a deep, peaceful way. I love reading this blog, but it makes me feel dumb and like I'm not trying hard enough in life.
3. Treading Carefully. This is a girl from the UK. I think I just like her writing style--her blog seems very personal, like someone is secretly transcribing her diary online. She seems almost shy. I did leave a comment and then felt very self-conscious about it, like it embarrassed her or something. Just read it--she's witty and well-spoken.
4. Vat is das sheit? This one may fool you at first, maybe even in a couple of ways. It is an Indian girl (living in Canada, but her heart is back in India, and many of the readers and commenters are Indian) who is very smart, but writes almost in a simplistic fashion. Much of the time her writing is actually riddles and double-meanings.
5. Parliament of Fools Okay, to be honest I haven't read this one more than 5 seconds. Five seemed like a nice round number. But this seemed to have a bunch of cool references to weird books. The idea as like the Oprah Book Club, which, oddly, I am a member of (?). I think. But anyway, everyone gets together and reads a book together and they have a discussion. It's just starting up.
I hope you enjoy. Now I'm done--it's 1:56 and I'm headed downstairs to thwart the vomiting girl ghost.
I just watched the Sixth Sense and I can't decide if the creepy skinny naked dude is going to break in and shoot me or if the creepy vomiting girl ghost is going to appear in front of me, but I'm pretty sure one of those things is going to happen. I hate that M Night Shamalamadingdong guy--he scares the crap out of me. Did you see Signs? AHHHH! Seriously, I just shivered typing that out. I hate scary movies-I don't know why I let myself watch them.
Also, seriously, I went into the bathroom and had to look behind the shower curtain for the vomiting ghost girl.
No sleeping for me tonight, I guess. Gotta stay up on the lookout for creepy naked skinny guy.
"I see dead people."
Here's the funniest movie line I ever accidentally quoted. Twenty of my coworkers and I were out of town and we went to a nice dinner. One guy and I were trading lines from "There's Something About Mary", and the whole room got kind of quiet right at the exact moment I blurted out "I work with retards." (a line from the movie). Whoops. The guy next to me didn't realize it was a movie line and serously was a little upset. I thought of that because he resigned today. He was a great guy and I'll miss him--maybe he'll have time to catch up on some movies...
No word from the marketing department.
There are some really cool blogs that you ought to check out.
In no particular order:
1. Shoplift Windchimes. Hey-if you click on the windchimes you can read his cool poems (I like Kite and Mockingbird the best). If I could really write, I would write like this guy. If you click on Click to Enter, he's got a very wacky blog. I liked it so much I almost left a comment, but then I got shy because I didn't want him to know how stupid I am.
2. Human+Universe. Okay--this one is great, but...This dude is a physicist from Malaysia and he's wicked smart. But in a deep, peaceful way. I love reading this blog, but it makes me feel dumb and like I'm not trying hard enough in life.
3. Treading Carefully. This is a girl from the UK. I think I just like her writing style--her blog seems very personal, like someone is secretly transcribing her diary online. She seems almost shy. I did leave a comment and then felt very self-conscious about it, like it embarrassed her or something. Just read it--she's witty and well-spoken.
4. Vat is das sheit? This one may fool you at first, maybe even in a couple of ways. It is an Indian girl (living in Canada, but her heart is back in India, and many of the readers and commenters are Indian) who is very smart, but writes almost in a simplistic fashion. Much of the time her writing is actually riddles and double-meanings.
5. Parliament of Fools Okay, to be honest I haven't read this one more than 5 seconds. Five seemed like a nice round number. But this seemed to have a bunch of cool references to weird books. The idea as like the Oprah Book Club, which, oddly, I am a member of (?). I think. But anyway, everyone gets together and reads a book together and they have a discussion. It's just starting up.
I hope you enjoy. Now I'm done--it's 1:56 and I'm headed downstairs to thwart the vomiting girl ghost.
02 August 2005
Mike: Take your Meds!
Okay, I'm just kidding here.
Feeling weird, though. Sorta bummed out without a reason. You see, things are really going well for me, but I've come down with a case of the blues.
Thinking about blogging: When I first started blogging, my header started off with "Unloading my brain..." So now that's done. I mean, seriously. I feel like I've successfully gotten in the habit of getting things off my chest via blogging, without getting too crazy-serious about them.
Then I realized that these short vignettes are the start of other writing, perhaps character sketches sometimes or the reminder of events.
Question I get ALL THE TIME: Are your stories true? Answer: YES, dammit!
Follow up answer: but they're a little embellished, right? Answer: well, not really, except for maybe some tongue-in-cheek humor which should be pretty obvious...
The downside: I feel cheesy writing things that aren't true stories--I've tried doing it and I realize that I'm not all that good at it. What I am very good at doing is noticing subtleties in true events. Hmmmm. Maybe even things that aren't even there, but imagined. But if I intentinally try to make them up, it feels so contrived. So, maybe I'm doomed to suck as a writer.
A blog I was going to try to do anonomously: I was going to name a blog something like: Spy Stories. Then put in snippets of conversations that I hear all around me (yes, eavesdropping, if you have to put a specific name to it). And stories about people doing clandestine things that they don't want known in broad daylight. I was going to even lie about what city I was in and everything, and try to disguise my writing style. And I wasn't going to tell anyone about it. But that felt kinda creepy. The truth is, I do notice stuff like that, and it sticks with me. Truman Capote used to tell everyone that he remembered 90% of all of his conversations...but sometimes he would forget and say 95%...I feel that way, too (my number is about 85%).
More Blogging: Since June 18th, I've had like almost 2000 hits on my blog--that feels like a lot. One person looked at 131 pages in an hour! But no comments--what the heck is wrong with you, man!? Did it suck that bad? Kinda kidding--I don't care if you don't comment, but I do hope you like it, since it is pretty much me.
Sometimes I feel like I have absolutely nothing to write for the rest of my life.
Then the next day I have 3 ideas that I have to write down, then I feel bad about pushing stories off the page so quickly....I know, I'm weird that way.
Family is good. Family isn't the problem.
Maybe it's that I can't get into a book right now.
I had a flurry of reading, which tends to give me purpose and keeps me out of trouble. It seems to be over for now. I read Shogun, Train, For Whom the Bell Tolls, and a couple of crap novels in about 2-3 weeks. Shogun (keep wanting to type "shotgun" since dove season is coming) was a killer, but it was so great that it was a little sad when I finished. I feel kind of foolish about that novel, because I feel like I was in touch with Japan while reading it, but then realized it's just a novel. And I question really how much I know after reading it.
So I told Fran that I wanted to read Tai Pan, the next Clavell novel, but can't get into it--I've "false started" about 3 times with it. And I'm looking at: Anna Karenina, which I also can't get into but I love the writing, The Three Musketeers which is great but I lost interest, A Farewell to Arms which I couldn't get into, and then a couple of philosophical books like Mere Christianity and something else I can't see without stopping typing but it's not important.
Times like these I tend to do the Email equivalent of a "drunk call" to my friends and family--write heartfelt, urgent emails that are later embarrassing. Not good.
Work is okay, and maybe not. I'm being successful but I come in daily contact with a herd of unsupportive beaurocrats who are driving me nuts. If I need something to help a customer, and send an Email indicating that it is urgent, it seems to go on the 24-hour waiting list. If I was paranoid I would think they are just trying to teach me a lesson in patience. But my colleagues report that they get the same treatment, so I know I'm not being targeted.
When I've raised a fuss about how frustrating this is, nobody in the company seems to give a shit, so it ends up making me look like a raving maniac for rocking the boat so vigorously. The funny thing is, I'm probably one of the mostly highly productive people that we've got (blush), so it really has much less impact on me than on the other guys, but it seems to bother them much less...
So, back to my meds: Where's that Bailey's Fran gave me for my birthday?
Feeling weird, though. Sorta bummed out without a reason. You see, things are really going well for me, but I've come down with a case of the blues.
Thinking about blogging: When I first started blogging, my header started off with "Unloading my brain..." So now that's done. I mean, seriously. I feel like I've successfully gotten in the habit of getting things off my chest via blogging, without getting too crazy-serious about them.
Then I realized that these short vignettes are the start of other writing, perhaps character sketches sometimes or the reminder of events.
Question I get ALL THE TIME: Are your stories true? Answer: YES, dammit!
Follow up answer: but they're a little embellished, right? Answer: well, not really, except for maybe some tongue-in-cheek humor which should be pretty obvious...
The downside: I feel cheesy writing things that aren't true stories--I've tried doing it and I realize that I'm not all that good at it. What I am very good at doing is noticing subtleties in true events. Hmmmm. Maybe even things that aren't even there, but imagined. But if I intentinally try to make them up, it feels so contrived. So, maybe I'm doomed to suck as a writer.
A blog I was going to try to do anonomously: I was going to name a blog something like: Spy Stories. Then put in snippets of conversations that I hear all around me (yes, eavesdropping, if you have to put a specific name to it). And stories about people doing clandestine things that they don't want known in broad daylight. I was going to even lie about what city I was in and everything, and try to disguise my writing style. And I wasn't going to tell anyone about it. But that felt kinda creepy. The truth is, I do notice stuff like that, and it sticks with me. Truman Capote used to tell everyone that he remembered 90% of all of his conversations...but sometimes he would forget and say 95%...I feel that way, too (my number is about 85%).
More Blogging: Since June 18th, I've had like almost 2000 hits on my blog--that feels like a lot. One person looked at 131 pages in an hour! But no comments--what the heck is wrong with you, man!? Did it suck that bad? Kinda kidding--I don't care if you don't comment, but I do hope you like it, since it is pretty much me.
Sometimes I feel like I have absolutely nothing to write for the rest of my life.
Then the next day I have 3 ideas that I have to write down, then I feel bad about pushing stories off the page so quickly....I know, I'm weird that way.
Family is good. Family isn't the problem.
Maybe it's that I can't get into a book right now.
I had a flurry of reading, which tends to give me purpose and keeps me out of trouble. It seems to be over for now. I read Shogun, Train, For Whom the Bell Tolls, and a couple of crap novels in about 2-3 weeks. Shogun (keep wanting to type "shotgun" since dove season is coming) was a killer, but it was so great that it was a little sad when I finished. I feel kind of foolish about that novel, because I feel like I was in touch with Japan while reading it, but then realized it's just a novel. And I question really how much I know after reading it.
So I told Fran that I wanted to read Tai Pan, the next Clavell novel, but can't get into it--I've "false started" about 3 times with it. And I'm looking at: Anna Karenina, which I also can't get into but I love the writing, The Three Musketeers which is great but I lost interest, A Farewell to Arms which I couldn't get into, and then a couple of philosophical books like Mere Christianity and something else I can't see without stopping typing but it's not important.
Times like these I tend to do the Email equivalent of a "drunk call" to my friends and family--write heartfelt, urgent emails that are later embarrassing. Not good.
Work is okay, and maybe not. I'm being successful but I come in daily contact with a herd of unsupportive beaurocrats who are driving me nuts. If I need something to help a customer, and send an Email indicating that it is urgent, it seems to go on the 24-hour waiting list. If I was paranoid I would think they are just trying to teach me a lesson in patience. But my colleagues report that they get the same treatment, so I know I'm not being targeted.
When I've raised a fuss about how frustrating this is, nobody in the company seems to give a shit, so it ends up making me look like a raving maniac for rocking the boat so vigorously. The funny thing is, I'm probably one of the mostly highly productive people that we've got (blush), so it really has much less impact on me than on the other guys, but it seems to bother them much less...
So, back to my meds: Where's that Bailey's Fran gave me for my birthday?
Show me the Money!
Seriously, I don't completely get that line from Jerry Maguire. Why is Jerry trying to make more money for the football player, but says "Show ME the money"? Okay, enough of that.
So, I sent my Mission Statement on Embracing the Hippo to our Marketing Guy in New York via interoffice Email. Hopefully, he'll think it's funny. Either way, too late, now, huh?
I printed it out and put it in the Overnight. He'll get it tomorrow.
It reminded me of Jerry Maguire eating bad pizza and writing his memo, etc....Then he couldn't take it back...you know....yada yada yada....boom!
The things I go to just trying to be funny sometimes.
I just think sometimes you have to have some guts in life to have some fun or you end up being a big plop of vanilla pudding on the sidewalk for people to walk around.
I will post his exact response when it happens.
Worst case scenario: he doesn't think it's funny. Sends a lukewarm Email or nothing at all.
2nd derivitative worse case scenario: Everyone starts thinking I spent tons of time goofing off instead of working (not true, of course, plus I sold 25% of the sales in the entire region last month out of 15 people, so I think I'm okay there--yes, I kick ass).
Best Case Scenario: Hadn't thought of that--maybe they send me a crate of hippos squeezy toys?
They hand out my memo at the next trade show?
Everyone chants my name and they carry me off the field on their shoulders (sorry, that's the movie Rudy)
Sometimes, you have to just say "What the hell..."
01 August 2005
Yeah. Okay.
So here I am filling out my weekly TPS Report and trying not to forget to put the cover sheet on....I swear we have the dumbest, most non-productive procedures sometimes.
So we were leaving for our fishing trip and I saw this hippo--believe it or not, Ryan thought my hippo marketing post was funny (It was funny, dammit, although the solitary comment is making me self-conscious)! Is this hippo thing going to be like snakes, where I start to see hippos everywhere? This one was right outside Starbucks--hmmm the convergence of 2 beautiful things...
Saturday, Ryan and I went fishing with my buddy Gar. Gar caught 3 lunkers and let Ryan haul one of them in. I was trying to get back in the hang of things with my fly rod--ended up catching quite a few (bluegill). I even let Ryan flip it around a little with my help and we ended up catching one--his first fish on a fly rod! That may not be saying much since one time I saw a bunch of guys feeding bread to the fish at boy scout camp and I ended up catching one with a piece of styrofoam and no pole!
So we were leaving for our fishing trip and I saw this hippo--believe it or not, Ryan thought my hippo marketing post was funny (It was funny, dammit, although the solitary comment is making me self-conscious)! Is this hippo thing going to be like snakes, where I start to see hippos everywhere? This one was right outside Starbucks--hmmm the convergence of 2 beautiful things...
Saturday, Ryan and I went fishing with my buddy Gar. Gar caught 3 lunkers and let Ryan haul one of them in. I was trying to get back in the hang of things with my fly rod--ended up catching quite a few (bluegill). I even let Ryan flip it around a little with my help and we ended up catching one--his first fish on a fly rod! That may not be saying much since one time I saw a bunch of guys feeding bread to the fish at boy scout camp and I ended up catching one with a piece of styrofoam and no pole!
On the way home, I was getting really sleepy and was about 45 minutes out. I decided to pour some water on top of my head to wake me up a little. Well, I guess a bottle of orange-flavored water got mixed in with our regular water, so THAT wasn't too pleasant (although it did wake me up!)
Kaitlyn is learning one or two words a day right now. She is now calling herself "Katie cookie", which cracks us all up. She is also climbing on everything in our house like she is a Peruvian llama--Fran walked into the living room the other day to see her perched on top of our baby grand piano like she had just climbed Everest. We would get a picture of it if it just didn't scare us to death every time!
So, back to the TPS report...and, yes, as always, watching out for the corn-hole...
Yeah, okay, well then we're just, kinda, gonna need you to come in Sunday, too, okay. Yeah, that's great. Thanks.
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