I need to start an account right now-to pay for the counseling that Ryan is going to need in about 10 years, all because of my (sick) creative mind and lack of impulse control.
Yesterday I drew the short straw and it was my turn to change Kaitlyn's diaper. It was one of those Hitchcock moments: Flash on clean, new diaper, then flash to a chocolate-covered macadamian nut candy in a package on the dresser--Oh yes, I went there.
I put the candy in the new diaper, where, I must admit, it looked as though it belonged. Then I took it out to Ryan, who was in the living room pounding the hell out of the keys on his new gameboy that he got for his birthday, totally absorbed. I caught his attention and held the diaper out for him to check out--he went, as expected, "eeeeeeewwww!"
So I paused, then looked intently at the contents of the diaper, and then slowly leaned my head down and ate the candy out of it.
Ryan didn't know where to run.
He just stared at me for about 15 seconds, then a glimmer of hope. "You didn't REALLY eat that?" A lot of times I do hack magic tricks around him, just because he's 6 and my hands are just about fast enough to fool him (unfortunately, no one else--and he's on to me now, anyway).
I opened my mouth--I guess I didn't realize how impressive that would be. He sprang off the couch like a wounded antelope: "MOM!"
And he disappeared around the corner. When he came back, he was pale and didn't even look at me, and then it looked like he was about to throw up, so I had to end it and tell him.
Kids are very sensitive about being made fun of, and Ryan is especially this way. He climbed on the couch, turned his head from me, and didn't talk to me for about 10 minutes. I still can't get him to admit that it was funny, but I laughed my ass off for about 15 minutes and broke into laughter about 3 times just writing this down.
Anyone care to make a donation to the counseling fund?
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