Teachers--Leave these kids alone!

I went to have lunch at school with my son Ryan last week. These poor kids.

They only get 25 minutes for lunch, and the teachers make them take a restroom break in the middle of that time. Additionally, they don't get to select who they sit with--they just have to sit in order as they get their lunch and get to the table.

Then, during the entire lunch period, there is a teacher with a bullhorn walking around barking orders at the poor urchins.

"Who dropped their apple on the floor!?"

"Please pick up any trash from the floor around you!" (And here's Ryan picking up other people's trash, putting it on his tray--which I told him not to do any more).

"You must be food-focused!" (This terminology, which I believe they invented, is making me crazy--I think it will lead to years of counseling for overweight kids in years to come.)

"Please stop talking" (The last 5 minutes, they must eat in silence).

As a parent, I'm allowed to come in and eat with my child any time I want, but it is clearly not well- appreciated. I'm given a wide berth by the roaming, bitter lunch monitors--I feel like a big chunk of kryptonite (more like wolfsbane) sitting on the table--the kids in a 1-2 person mini-region all around me are safe from direct harrassment since I make such an imposing witness.

Then I was awakened: "You can not eat your ice cream until you have finished your hamburger!"

------flashback-----

(screaming): "If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding! How can you have your pudding if you don't eat your meat!?"

Yep. I told Fran (and later my anonymous commenter, who also picked up on it right away), and we died laughing.

One of the coolest, stoner-like things I have ever done is go to a Pink Floyd concert...but the rest of the story is: I was working at the concession stand with boy scouts to earn money for a trip. But the 2nd part of rest of the story is I sneaked away during the concert and watched the band and the laser show for 2 hours. The 3rd part of the rest of the story is that I had gotten there early and ended up staying late, which pretty much compensates for shirking my duty. I even vaguely remember the set list.

Sooo--I had to explain it to Ryan (he's very bright and has a great sense of humor), which I did dramatically by imitating the song, which made him laugh. Afterward I had to promise to Fran that I would take the heat if he ever got in trouble over it at school. I actually told Ryan he was free to repeat it.