Sandwich Plus Dog Poop

I. Sandwich.

There is this restaurant that is Hella-good here in Dallas. It is called Deli News and it's at Preston and I-635 in the Southwest Corner of the shopping center. It's crowded and it seems like the whole idea is for them to recreate the feel of the Carnegie Deli in Manhattan, which is also fantastic--I recommend the Woody Allen. They have homemade pickles, fresh-brewed coffee, and enormous sandwiches. And the authentic New York attitude--how do you import that?

Well, roll your eyes at me, call me stupid, and serve me up another one of those Open-Faced Rueben sandwiches, please, with hot pastrami. Incredible! Worth every bit of the $9.00. Trust me.

II. Dog Poop (sorry, no photos)

In learning about all things biological toward earning my degree, I unfortunately took this nasty class called Parasitology. All we did during the whole lab section for 4 hours per week is look at disgusting organisms and cysts, memorizing them for a lab practical.

During one particularly poignant exercise, we were ordered to bring in dog poop so we could prepare a sample and check for eggs of parasites. We were told that we would liquify the sample and it would take about 1/4 the size of a pencil eraser to make a good sample.

So, since I didn't have a dog but did live in apartment, I figured some cretan would oblige my needs by not scoopin' up after their best friend--and I was right. Almost gagging, I scooped up a little chunk from someone's poodle, and I was set.

While preparing my sample, I was assaulted by a quite strong odor (note that in this lab it took a lot for a smell to stand out). I looked up and my partner at the lab bench, a not-too-cute and unfortunately not-too-bright girl was cracking open a meatloaf-sized sample from a freezer bag right next to me on the bench.

I've heard the saying "Big Dog, Big Poop..." before, but I'd like the see the Mastiff-Rhino mix that created that monstrosity. I mean, it had themes going on inside it! Come on, woman! 1/4 of a "pencil eraser", not a "soap box racer"!

I was so completely overwhelmed with being grossed out that I seriously contemplated dropping out of the course right there.

III. = (I. + II.)

This is a legend from my high school, where there is a chemistry teacher named Dr. Walker, who was well-known for many years. Dr. Walker spoke with a pronounced stutter and was kind of goofy-looking with owl-shaped glasses and a pocket protector. His buddy, Dr. Lyon, was a midget-sized guy with beard, which was the only thing that differentiated him from the visiting younger sibling of one of the high school students.

The whole science department was pretty tight with each other and thought they were pretty clever. They hung signs around the science department that were kind of smart-ass digs at students, like "your mother doesn't work here--clean up after yourself", etc.

It turns out that someone targeted Dr. Walker for an ongoing joke. Every once in a while, they would steal his lunch out of the refigerator in the SWAMP (Science Workroom And Meeting Place). It was unpredictable and took place over several weeks, at a frequency of about once per week.

So Dr. Walker made a thin-layer dog poop sandwich, complete with tomato and lettuce, and stashed it in the fridge. And he staked out all 3 lunch periods at the school. Bingo! In B-Lunch a guy from his chemistry class jumps up suddenly and screams out, getting sick all over the place. Busted! True Story.

Sorry for the decrescendo of this entry...seriously the Rueben is to die for...