Reprieve

I was supposed to speak to a group of people today, but I got pushed back til Friday. Yeah! I've been working on a freaking Power Point all night, inserting graphics and images, graphs and similar items which should impress and astound. I've been told that no one wants to hear me talking, they just want to read the cliff notes projected behind my head.

I think I'm figuring out that the trick to being a popular public speaker is just to finish early and give a handout. People are used to getting their own information by reading it. Oddly enough, that's kind of the point of my speech.

You see, I figured out that my company's customers listen to about 1/10 of the shit I'm supposed to tell them, but they read almost everything I give them. So, I started writing up this very comprehensive (what the heck does that word mean anyway?--Detailed?) summary that goes with our price quotation. Then, I did something even trickier. I would take pictures of their workplace and specific samples and incorporate the photos into my summary, indicating that I've taken their specific case into consideration in the preparation of their price quote. Well, someone in corporate saw this and thought it was a good idea. So, basically, I'm doing a presentation on how to present stuff to customers. I feel like Kramer in Seinfeld doing a coffee table book about coffee tables. I know, it's kind of lame.

My team won a bowling contest tonight--the prize was a bowling pin. The trick is: I don't really bowl--it was just a contest concocted by my company, which was fun, but on the cheesy side. I don't envy whoever has to entertain 50 people from all over the country...so in light of that it was okay. So I have this bowling pin that seems like it would be a good thing, but then feels a little pathetic to hang onto--I mean, it's just representative that I beat 40 other doughy white dudes who were half-wacked on gin and tonics. Maybe someday Ryan will want to cut it open with a circular saw to see what's inside..or test its resistance to fireworks--I wish my dad had thought like that when I was growing up...