Things Emotional

I've been reading this book on Emotional Intelligence, which, ironically, is very clinically written, perhaps to justify it's own existence to the academic psychology community (Here's a great quote: "Today, emotions are a Pleistocine response to a Postmodern event").

I thought I would keep a journal of emotions, even if they were just brief flashes, as I sat around reading, occasionally interrupted by little traumas. I went inside, before losing the inspiration, and grabbed a paper plate, folding it in half in case somebody came over--I could hide what I was doing--I felt a little silly and self-absorbed. I went outside and read while the kids played in front of me. So here is an hour's worth, in the order they occurred:

1) Relief. We've had visitors from out of town for a week--the visit went well and they left this morning.

2) Dread. A little overwhelmed at the household chaos that I will need to tame today to start the week.

3) Guilty. For not going to church this morning. I've had an allergy attack this week, and lost my voice for 2 days--today I'm trying to recover.

4) Happy. Life feels good today

5) Satisfied.

6) Envious

7) Embarrassed. I just realized there is a hole in the crotch of my shorts (no, I'm not going commando or anything), and there is a nice-looking woman sitting in the yard across from me--I wonder if she noticed? I went inside and changed.

8) Intrigued. This book is pretty interesting. Trying to focus on it.

9) Anxiety. Just remembered a project I need to work on this week--I am giving a speech on Thursday to a large group of colleagues. (Ironically, it is also a group of large colleagues)

10) Protective. Ryan is playing with a group of girls--I really want to call him home so they won't exclude him and make him feel bad.

11) Annoyed. One of my neighbors just fired up his lawnmower, disturbing the peace at 9:30 AM.

12) Romantic. Just thought about Fran.

13) Melancholy. This book just refered to a melancholy song and one came to mind immediately. Simon and Garfunkel's "Homeward Bound". For some reason, when it comes on and I'm driving in my car, it makes me zone out a little and listen to the words.

14) Hopeful. I'm working on a lot of personal projects, and it feels good.

15) Intellectual.

16) Worried. Why is Ryan riding his scooter without a helmet?

17) Pissed. Our neighbor's dog just jumped on me with muddy paws. Why don't they keep it on a leash or something?

18) Proud.

19) Relaxed. I put aside my cares momentarily and just live in the moment.

20) Peaceful.

21) Happy.

22) Nostalgic.

23) Judgemental. Ryan just fell down off his scooter and I think he's playing up his injury for attention. He's hopping on one leg back. Should I help him or let him walk it off?

24) Self-Righteous.

25) Blissful. Had to quietly sneak into my bedroom to get a band-aid for Ryan's skinned knee. Saw the baby sleeping peacfully.

What struck me was how disconnected these seem to be. I guess I have a short attention span. Also, sometimes I wish I had a better word to more accurately describe the emotion (like: blissful?). I found myself wanting one of those magnetic charts that reads "How do I feel today?" and has a bunch of different faces on it and a magnetic box that you can move to where it best describes your mood (sometimes I see those and think "Are these all the choices?"). I guess I would need one that could be adjusted by an atomic clock.

I managed to get 40 pages read in an hour. And, I guess, at least 25 different emotions recorded. Whew! Guess I'll take a nap now!