So, another conflict from this week. I'll try to leave it just my emails because who knows...I was going to sign up for professional coaching--this class needed "volunteers" to work with so they could get their skills up to date. The person that I originally talked to was very competent and insightful, and then I got my "assigned person"--read on...
Hi ***:
I am very excited about the possibility of the coaching process. I think it would be very helpful to get an outside source of knowledge to help me with my future professional and personal goals--I'm a big believer in goal-setting and personal development, but I've only been doing this with myself all this time...and the price is incredible in this case!
Email #2:
Hi *****:
I wanted to follow up with you about this briefly.
I've been contacted regarding coaching, and it's kind of bizarre--the guy
who has contacted me has really rubbed me the wrong way each of the 3 times
I've talked to him (about usually mundane things like "when are you
available?") I felt like he was "big timing" me, condescending (how does he
know I'm a loser? He doesn't know me yet! :)), and really didn't have any
means or desire of accommodating my busy, somewhat unstructured schedule.
So....I'm going to blow him off (tomorrow). I feel confident that, since
we're friends, you wouldn't want me to put up with that, right? :)
Anyway, I wanted to give you the courtesy of letting you know. Don't know
if I could work with someone else or not--I'll ask him--I'm sure it is my
fault as I (with my willy-nilly ways) probably require dealing with someone
with a little flexibility.
Otherwise, I hope you are doing well--I received your packet and it is
extremely professional!
Mike !
Email #3:
*****, *****, *****...
Of COURSE this is no reflection on you whatsoever as I know how professional
you are--I am not embarrassed at all because I had pure intentions, and I
know you do to, so please don't let it be an issue at all. I sincerely
appreciate the opportunity.
I hope you are smiling at this point...
So, I will detail exactly my impression and hopefully you will laugh at it,
because I haven't even gotten off the ground.
I got a call from my prospective coach on Sunday night--actually Fran
answered the phone. The incoming call said "private number", which we
almost didn't answer because we thought it was a telemarketer. Just FYI--I
find that a little off-putting to begin with. Okay, so I don't know his
name--it's written out in my car and I don't want to go get it, but it's
something like Christopher---I'll get it for you tomorrow.
Even though it was my daughter's birthday and we were probably going to have
cake in a couple of minutes, I was really excited to talk to the coach, but
the way he was wording his comments was somewhat condescending, not exactly
but as if he was saying "I'm going to impart wisdom on you, when will you be
ready?" Now that I'm typing that I realize that he uses very formal
wording, so my internal interpretation is that this isn't someone that I
want to share very much personal information with.
So, I told him that we had a lot going on, maybe we could talk tomorrow. He
asked what time, and I said "tomorrow afternoon". He asked "What time
tomorrow afternoon?" and I said "unfortunately, my schedule is a little
wacky--let's try for 1:00 or so". He said "okay, so I'm going to call you
at 1:00 tomorrow."
Well--of course, I missed his call. Now, does that make me a creep for not
valuing his time? Maybe. I called him back within a few minutes but he was
like "well, too late. I shall call you back promptly at 11:00 tomorrow."
So this was starting to tick me off, because my schedule is just not created
that way (which I alluded to with him but seems to not have sunk in). In
order for me to be available at precisely 11:00, I have to block off quite a
bit of my productive time of the day (like from 10:00 on--when I go in on a
sales call, a lot of times they last quite a while).
So...then of course, being the cretan that I am, I missed his 11:00 call
because I was in a meeting with the National Sales Manager who wanted to speak with me about possible promotion possibilies
and the meeting got started late. So I called him back at 11:05 and
apologized for calling back and told him I was eager to speak with him and,
seriously, he was very flippant and said "Well, it's not going to happen
right now..." Like he had 4 minutes blocked off to speak with me! This
really reminded me of an executive that I worked with that always demanded
full control of all meetings, no matter what--he would never let someone
"call an audible" just because he interpreted this as someone trying to get
the upper hand in a relationship--this whole thing felt a little contrived
and insincere.
So, this may be somewhat petty, but alarm bells are just going bananas in my
head telling me that dealing with me is beneath this guy and I don't care if
the coaching is free, my time is also valuable and my thoughts are pretty
valuable as well--I don't just open up my life strategy to any yo-yo that
comes along. I am pretty good at reading people quickly and I just don't
think this guy and I are a good fit.
Now, in the theoretical world, it may be valuable for me to hear the view of
someone with perhaps a more analytical perspective. I tend to be
expressive, maybe a little impulsive, and sometimes don't see the forest for
the trees because I'm driving full force. However, this strict analytical
personality and I have come in contact a few times, and usually it is a
recipe for disaster.
*****, I'm an open book as far as you are concerned and you are welcome to
ask any question that occurs to you. I realized that this is a training
deal so no harm, no foul, and believe it or not, I have the guts to talk to
this guy and tell him constructively the way I interpreted our brief
interaction--Just think, I could make him thousands of dollars from not
losing clients! If I was him, I would try to interpret it as "he never gave
me a chance", "he was defensive about missing our appointments", or "he was
distracted with a lot of stuff going on", but trust me that I'm more
objective than that.
Thanks a lot for your concern--I do want to put you at ease, though, to
please not worry about it at all--I'm smiling about it-really! One of my
philosophies is to respect myself and my instincts because they have served
me well, and, unless I completely read you and ***** wrong, you guys are the
same way!
I hope you don't think I'm flaky or overreacting :)!
thanks again!
Mike
Email #4
Hi *****:
Sorry to be going back and forth like this, but perhaps it is valuable input
for your class.
Yes, my job is relatively unstructured which is both a blessing and a
curse--but either way, it really is that way.
Some of my customers really insist on exact timing, but that is
approximately 1%, so it doesn't really harm my overall productivity. This
also lets me fill in the gaps of time and be ultra-productive. I typically
have 20 customer contacts, 30 Emails or more, and about 15 incoming calls
per day, and keep a task list of about 100 items.
However, some people just DO NOT mesh with this, and I think Christopher and
I are that way.
"Call an audible" relates to football--when the play is about to start, a
lot of time teammates are in position anticipating the other side's move.
Right before the play starts, a designated player can yell out instructions
to other teammates telling them to change their reaction to the other side's
formation. It is a sophisticated and coordinated reaction and requires
multi-dimensional thinking.
I sometimes use it as a euphamism in business for reacting quickly when
things don't go according to plan. In my opinion, problem management is key
in dealing with external customers because 1) stuff happens and 2)
perception is reality--if you can let the customer perceive that you are
able to adjust to handle the situation and are calm about it, they realize
that you are taking ownership of the issue and they don't panic either.
In the case of meetings, the guy that I had previous experience with would
NEVER let someone change the circumstances of a meeting at all as a "show of
power"--he felt that if a person changes location, time, etc. they were
taking control of the meeting, and he would counter with an alternate
location, time etc.--it is a valid psychological tool to keep dominance of
the meeting-and I think it works, too. I detected a twinge of this in my
dealings with Christopher, which my ego could handle--it just annoyed me because
my schedule is crazy.
Just FYI--since I do it all the time, I think it's kind of fun to analyze
circumstances and relationships, and this has not turned me off to coaching.
Getting even more honest here: I wonder if the fact that this was kind of
the low-cost version of coaching might have biased both of us. ie. Perhaps
Christopher was less tolerant of me since I wasn't a million dollar client
and perhaps I didn't value being prompt since I wasn't paying $300 per hour.
So...that's where we are...Talk to you later! Thanks for the concern ****
but please just go close the big customers and don't worry about me! have a
great day, and I look forward to seeing you and ***** again soon--we always
have a nice time with you guys but we've had a wacky year and haven't gotten
together with many friends recently...
Mike
So...I know, I suck and I blew this way out of proportion and now it is laid open for everyone to see that I am a bozo.
Have a nice day!
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